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I think he is torn between his children and myself.

My Husband and I are happily married. His children live in another state. He told me that if he would have never met me he would be living in the same state as his children.

My step children came to visit over Christmas break and the last night they were here my step daughter cried hysterically telling her father how much she misses him and loves him and wants him back. Im not sure what he told her, but it made me feel uneasy in a way.

I myself am bound to this state and I am NOT allowed to move my children out of state bc I need my EX Husbands permission (and he would NEVER give me the ok to do so). The only reason he is still in this state (my husband) is bc of us. I told him that as much as it would tear me apart, and how much I would hurt, that if he needed to move to the state where his children are, then by all means go for it. I am really* terrified he may just do that. I think he may go back to his ex and raise his children with her. He is the type of man who would sacrifice HIS happiness for his children.

I am soooo scared to lose him. I really am. I am numb. I dont ever want him to regret his decision of not being able to be with his children, I dont know what to do, say or feel anymore........

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Why didn't you just suggest that you go and see his children more often?

    Answer by Misteh at 9:13 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • i have mentioned that. BUT he says he doesnt want to miss a thing. They are coming back in the summer. He says he wants his son to know who his father is....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:15 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • If I were your spouse, my children would always be of primary importance.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:19 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Your husband sounds like a rare breed and I don't blame you for being concerned about losing this great guy. Most men are little more than donors and don't care about the child they leave behind. This is something you both have to talk about and see if you can come up with a happy medium. I'm hoping that your x may work with you on this, but then again he probably doesn't want to lose his children either. I wish you the best hon, this is a delicate issue for sure.......GL


    Answer by zbee at 9:20 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would take the chance with your ex and talk to him about moving to the other state. You never know, he may just have a heart and be okay with it. If not, you might talk to the court and see if there's a way to get around needing his permission. Even just changing the custody agreement to allow you moving. There's also the option of maybe his ex moving closer to you guys. Would that be a possible option? Honestly, I can see where you'd be scared. Any loving parent would want to be a part of their children's lives. However, I think you do have options you're just scared to carry them out. Even if it's just a try. Understandably. Take the chance though, you never know what may come of it.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:21 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • i would feel the same way about MY children, thats why Im worried

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:24 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • My ex husband is really not apart of MY childrens lives. He moved himdelf to Nevada with his girlfriend, and he only calls the kids once a week. He is a very BAD father. He pays NO child support, and doesnt ever visit them. I want to go to court and see what we can do about allowing the move. I am very stressed, confused, scared. You name it, Im feeling it. I keep dreaming that he leaves me for his ex. He has been mentioning her quite a bit these past couple of days, and it worries me. I am just terrified bc I love the family we have become including with my step children. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to my boys and I.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:33 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Considering that your ex is not involved in your children's lives I would go to court and try to get permission to leave the state. it probably won't be very difficult since your ex has already moved out of state himself. That law is there to insure that the mother doesn't take the children and move so far away from the father that he is unable to visit.

    Talk with your husband and hire a lawyer to get the court to approve your move and then go to the other state so your hubby can be near his children and you.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 9:48 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • If your ex isnt involved with the kids, definitly go to the courts and try to move. Your husband sounds like a great guy wanting to be near his children, and I think you both need to do everything it takes to make that happen. I think if you can show how un involoved your ex is, that there would be a good chance the courts would see the value in you leaving.

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 9:57 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I dont think your ex will leave you but maybe you should suggest they come to visit more often ie spring break as well. Now I will probably get shot for saying this but I am saying this from my experience my husbands kids are manipulative and I am sure there mom encourages it. My husand and I were rescently married but have been together for several years, The kids live close and spend time at my home previously but after nwe got married the16 year old was acting out- actually he was into drugs prior it just esculated after. So now him and his sister have decided that me and my son never welcomed them and they have issues with are marriage, they were manipulating fow awhile and finally got caught. I am sure the kids miss their dad but at the same time their lives are set. I am not sure depends how old they are if they like you etc. Girlsdont hate me for what I said its my experience!

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 10:43 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

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