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Why can't my DD seem to be OK with being single?

She has had boyfriends starting at 14, very limited, as were/are aware of the pitfalls of dating too early. She is now 16 & has her 3rd boyfriend. She has not had more than 2 weeks of being single, & when she is at the end of a relationship it's as if the world is ending. Then, when it's over, she pretends that all is fine for a time, but I can see that she is already thinking about flirting with someone, or going out with someone else. The first 2 boys had major issues...controlling, negative, or playing with drugs wanting to party. They didn't get too far.The new one is very nice & for the first time, has a Mom who will actually communicate with me. Anyway, it worries me that when she isn't in a romance, she acts down on herself, has a hard time being happy, & isn't as excited about things in general. I think she needs a time without a romance to see what life is like on her own terms, her own thoughts and feelings, etc. Not depend on boys to tell her she's pretty/smart/talented, etc. We tell her these things all the time, but she doesn't seem to believe it!! She is an honors student & a good musician and recently artist, but my DH & I see how much effort she puts into these romances, & think this isn't the key to her happiness-wish she'd use some of that energy to work on herself...get more active, spend less time texting and talking to boyfriend & all the distractions/drama that entails. Has anyone else had a similar experience with their teen? Is this normal?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • She's filling a gap. Most of the time friends will brag about whats good in their lives and all she has to talk about is her boyfriend. Thats usually the issue. Friends. Peer pressure. Get her involved in something outside of school, outside of her circle of friends. Something that will distract her, something she will want to do all the time. Replace her want for a boyfriend with a job or an activity or a sport or something.
    xmama_bellax

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 9:22 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • She'll realize that when she is older. It's hard for teens to see it the way their parents do. It's kind of a blow to anyone's ego when they break up with someone. And the eaiest way to fix it (not the best way at all) is to flirt with someone else. Teens don't see the harm in it. It's a boost to our ego when someone likes us & makes us feel good. It's also cool to have a boyfriend in high school. My DD knows she is not allowed to date until she is 16. This is our rule & both her parents stick to it like glue.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:25 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I wonder if it isn't peer pressure? I've seen that with my friends kids; "everyone" has a boyfriend/girlfriend and they feel left out or that they are missing something. I'm starting to see this with my SS14 now - as soon as he entered high school he started looking for a girlfriend. It doesn't even seem like he wants to be in a relationship really, he just wants to call someone his girl.

    I wish I knew how to fix it. I think it's almost a rite of passage, I remember the same types of pressures.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:27 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Honestly, I think that this is a result of dating too soon.

    Your daughter needs time to learn who she is and become comfortable with that woman. If she can't enjoy her own company, she can't expect anyone else to enjoy her company.

    She needs to get involved with activities, like school sponsored clubs, volunteer work, babysitting, etc.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:10 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I think it's a high school thing. A boyfriend is a status symbol. Don't worry.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:09 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

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