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7 Bumps

Before you got married...

Did you sit down with your fiancee and discuss who would do what,if you'd stay home with the kids or be a working mom,joint bank account or separate,talk about religion and poilitical views?
I see so many questions on here where the ladies seem to be dumbstruck when their husbands start acting possessive and controlling. I highly doubt these men did a 180 after they married. Maybe some did,but I'm willing to bet these issues were either ignored or not discussed at all.
Maybe some believe in the fairy tale that everything would magically work out after they said "I do"


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 2:51 PM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Those are pre-engagement questions. Along with the number of kids. We had all of that hashed out before he even proposed.

    Sometimes I think a questionnaire on these issues should be part of the marriage license process, given separately to each party and if they are NOT in agreement, license denied until they get pre-marital counseling.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:18 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • My husband and I discussed things like that before we were even engaged. I think its very important.

    Answer by randibosin at 2:56 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Sadly, I think too many couples focus on their ideals and on the wedding date than on marriage. I think everyone should take the time to do some premarital counseling and really talk about what marriage means and all the little decisions. That way they can sort a lot out beforehand and either part or move forward. The divorce rate would surely go down.

    Answer by misses_nick at 2:54 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Yes we did. Even though we met and married within a 5 month span. All of these types of things were discussed and agreed upon (with knowing the reality that these things would most likely need to be addressed again depending on circumstances throughout the years) before we took our final 7 steps.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:59 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Bank kaccounts, religion kids/no kids how we would raise them sure but no to the chore list although DH does not clean a bathroom and i accept that since she stated he did it so much in the Navy...fine with me he does the lawn and snow blowing

    Answer by rebeccadac at 2:53 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I admit that I didn't think of any of those things before I got married. I was 20 and in love and the last thing on my mind was who would pay what and children (I didn't want any at the time). It is a good thing that in the 13 years we have been married we learned to compromise and figure things out as we go along.

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 2:58 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • honestly did not sit down, it was kinda assumed that I would be a house wife...however when things got finacailly harder I went and got a job...

    Answer by elseinutah1 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • hubby and i have been together 13 yrs married for 4. we didnt talk about the sahm thing till i was pregnant with ds(i was 5 months)when we found out. the chores and stuff we have worked out over the yrs. mostly he is suppossed to take out the trash because our kids are 3 and 2 and we live on the 3rd floor. im responsible for everything to do with the house work and with the kids. he will help with the kids but he follows my rules about it

    Answer by knagsmom at 3:01 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Yes, for most things. Some things have changed from the plan, but we haven't.

    Answer by austinsmama1106 at 3:02 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • we have sat down several times and talked about all this stuff. Its all good.

    Answer by Collegemommy910 at 3:08 PM on Jan. 7, 2011