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Not in the "middle" of a family fued, but an innocent on-looker.

So, I guess there's bad blood between my FIL and his mom and the rest of his family. I've only had a glimpse into it a little, being as i've only been married to my hub for 4 1/2 years. All i've seen is my FIL hardly does anything to do with his family anymore and I think my MIL has something to do with it, but not for sure. My husband kinda sides with his parents. I'm not sure he totally understand the whole awkwardness between them either, but all he's ever heard of it is from his mom and dad, so he goes along with what they say/do.
I find it unbelievably sad that they don't act like a family and so my FIL's family is not going to be coming to my twin boys' birthday party because of all of this and seeing my MIL, FIL and SIL.
Regaurdless of whatever's happened, I think it's important to remember that family is family, people say stupid stuff and do dumb stuff and that shouldn't break a family apart.
What can I do? I want to be apart of everything. I mean, they do have a great grandma ect that would like to be apart of things. I don't want to have bad blood because my relationship with "that" side of the family.....
Any advice or words of wisdom? I just hate the situation and think it's totally sad. To me all the stuff that i've "heard" about could be dismissed or worked out...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I would just invite all of them, and I would probably visit all of the them once in a while, unless your husband just flat out tells you not to. You can't control anyone's behavior but your own, and it won't do you any good to worry about nor try to fix whatever has happened in the past.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:31 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • It sounds ideal, but life is not ideal. There might be some serious problems that you are not aware of. I find it hard to understand that after four and a half years you are not more informed about the problem.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:32 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • to tootoobusy....all I know is what I hear from my husband and my MIL. that's pretty much it, and all the "problems" are trivial and could be talked out if they would just communicate. My FIL's family has NEVER once brought up any problem between my FIL and them.
    Does it seem funny that my in laws are saying things and my FIL's family doesn't even bring anything up or acts like a family should?...

    So, if my husband says I can't have anything to do with my FIL's family is it wrong or right to do what he's asked?
    I think it's a shame that I would lose contact with people, especially my FIL's mother, their great grandmother who loves my kids and loves when we visit.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:47 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • PS, I don't want to get in the middle, I just want to act like a freaking family with them.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:48 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Seems like nobody visits here either, it's the way of the times we live I guess. It's never a question of what is done and how, it's how are we going to act when our children don't see either side, almost ever, except on a whim and that is by the way the wind blows that day.Nobody can control anyone that's right. These days it's just see how far we can get through until a silly b-day party comes up and all those children are fully grown soon to have children, (then again it's not the time to really let your hair down at a b-day party is it?)

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

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