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How do we gently ask my mom to move out?

My mom moved in with us last spring. It's one of those things that seemed like a great idea at the time. Now, however, it's really putting a strain on our relationship (mine and my moms) because she's my mom but it's our house so sometimes I have to ask her to do things a certain way, keep up with the dishes (that's her ONLY chore) and I kind of feel like I have another child. Now we have another baby on the way and we're having to move around bedrooms to fit everyone. For the record, we didn't think we were able to have more kids and were pleasantly surprised by this baby and are THRILLED to have her join our family soon.

My mom is kind of ...ok VERY sensitive. I don't want our asking her to move to turn into a big huge falling out. I want very much for her to continue to be a big part of our life but I worry that if we don't word this just perfectly, she'll fly off the handle and I'll lose her.

Here are a couple of pieces of background info that might help to know:
1. We are not in any hurry to get her moved out. The baby's not due till May 4th and even if my mom never moves, we'll have room for her...it'll just be kind of a pain to move everyone around.

2. When my mom moved in, she gave my brother some of her furniture (living room & kitchen especially) since he was getting an apartment at the same time. So I'm feeling a bit guilty about that. On a similar note, we sold our second car because my mom works midnights and anytime I need to go somewhere during the day, while my husband is at work, I just use her car. I know both of these things are easily remedied, but I still feel guilty about it.

3. My husband has not come out and said anything, nor would he ever, but I'm getting strong hints and vibes from him that he's increasingly uncomfortable with this current living situation. While I tend to agree with him that maybe it's time for her to move on soon, I feel like I'm in the middle because it's MY mom.

Ok, so any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • This is why I won't live with my adult children. I'm not bashing you. It's just scary when you get older and have to start over again. Just talk with her and ask her if she really wants to live with the family now that it's enlarging. Make it about her and what might be best for her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:51 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Find an apartment or condo nearby that she'd be comfortable in. If she gave you money when she moved in, as is sometimes the arrangement, be prepared to give it back to her. If you have to remind her about doing her only chore, then perhaps she isn't able to live on her own. It seems a come down for her to live in assisted living or a nursing home after giving up her home to live with you all, where she likely felt she was settled for the rest of her life. If you can afford it, perhaps build on an apartment for her in your place.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:54 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would take the signals from my spouse. If he seems uncomfortable then it is time to tell mom it is time to go. There is no reason your husband should be uncomfortable in his home.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 10:10 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Tell her the honest truth. Offer her to spend time during the day helping when you have the baby or baby sitting and also perhaps taking each child at different times. She is your mom she will understand. Honesty is the best way to go.
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 11:01 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Building an apartment onto our house is not feasable (sp?) right now. She doesn't "forget" to do the dishes, she's just kind of lazy. lol I think after years of taking care of us, she feels like it's her turn to just have people wait on her. I agree, that's what assisted living is for. ;-) I think she'd be tremendously offended if we suggested assisted living. She's been struggling with depression, allergic reactions to the antidepressants and some other health issues. Another reason I feel badly for asking her to leave and why we've been putting it off. Also, we sat down and worked out a budget when she moved in and she gives us a set amount each month to help with expenses. Basically it's her rent, utilities, groceries, etc.

    bcause, I absolutely agree with you 100%. My husband takes great care of us and works hard to be able to provide this home. He should feel comfortable here.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:20 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Just sit down with her talk to her! I am sure she will understand you have your life and yes she is in it but need time with your little family! Good luck hun!
    jdbrown21

    Answer by jdbrown21 at 11:01 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Try to find apartments that are affordable to her. Let her know that with the baby coming, you're going to need as much space as you can, and with her living there, the space is cramped. Offer to help her find a place to live on her own. Good luck!
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 4:14 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

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