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What should I do with my unemployed hubby?

I have been with my husband for 8 yrs now. And he has never held a steady job. We have had some good times where we have made it but the last 6 months we are falling farther and farther in to debt/utility shut offs/danger of losing house etc. I have talked to him about it and he'll job search for a week maybe an interview or 2 then back to inventing and trying to get rich quick. It is wrecking my marriage and breaking my heart. I can't even stand to be around him sometimes. He is a great husband otherwise sweet, attentive and a great dad patient and playful. I don't know if I should continue to talk to him or take desperate measures and threaten to leave. I am so torn and am dying inside. I welcome any advice . Thank you!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Nov. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Get your hubby some life coaching. Inventing is nice but youll never get rich quick with it. He needs to learn the skills necessary to hold a job in order to pay bills and take care of family first then have free time to try and invent. Like playing the lottery. You may never win it and pinning all your hopes on it is foolish at best but you can win it if you dont play it.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:09 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I can't offer any advice on what you should or shouldn't do but I know for myself, I wouldn't have a man who wouldn't work and hold a "real" job.
    But the way the economy is right now, he'd be lucky to even find a stable job.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 11:10 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I was playing monopoly the other night with a friend. I kept trying to convince him to "build" so he could stay in the game. He said he was waiting to build until he landed on Free Parking which had a lot of money in it. LOL. Well I ended up landing there and winning the money and he lost the game within a half hour.

    Its pretty much the same thing. If your husband is waiting on "getting rich" before helping out, he will eventually lose everything.

    I would give him the ultimatium.
    softchick21

    Answer by softchick21 at 11:15 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Well, you can't really MAKE anybody do anything that they don't want to do...especially not a grown adult.


    If he will not keep a steady job and provide for your family, you may need to be the one who does that. YOU may need to get the full time job. If you already have a full time job and it's not enough to pay the bills, maybe selling the house and finding something more affordable would be beneficial. I wouldn't tell him to leave...that will just be more costly because then you would have to pay for daycare and whatnot. I would just let him be a SAHD and YOU wear the pants in the family if ya know what I mean...that's really all that you CAN do at the moment.

    AvasMommy810

    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 11:17 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • He needs a wake up call and if after 8 years he still hasn't taken the initiative to build a future for his family by getting a steady insome, it doesn't seem like it's gonna happen anytime soon (if ever) no matter what you say or do or how much you threaten to divorce him.

    AvasMommy810

    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 11:17 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • There are LOTS of families that do reverse roles and the mom is full-time while the dad stays at home.

    AvasMommy810

    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 11:20 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Inventing is nice and all, but in your spare time! He has to get a job to help support you now. Don't hide the bills from him and "hold it all together". A lot of men don't even realize the severity of the matter. He does this because you will always find a way. It's going to be up to you to turn this around. That might mean leaving if you can't get him to "see".
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 11:26 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • My husband has been trying to find work...there is just nothing out there,....and i dont mind having him around...i really dont...

    I know it can be hard at times..but you know what we work at it together.

    He has always had a steady job....
    but during some family things...he had to cut back on working and got laid off...and then ..Let go...
    As long as we have each other ...food on the table...we can come up with somthing...to help with the rest of the bills
    He trys to get a job almost every day.

    We are now thinking relocating out of michigan
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Sounds like Daddy Daycare material. A lot of people are out of work, but the parents that are still working need affordable childcare.
    Babujai

    Answer by Babujai at 12:20 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • But if hasn't had anything steady in 8 years. The economy cannot be blamed at this point, because the economy hasn't been for 8 straight years. He should just be a man, and start providing. I would hope he would do the cooking and cleaning not just sitting on his derriere, all day.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

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