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3 Bumps

Would this hurt your feelings?

My brother got engaged a year ago. So for the past year I have been helping my future sister in law with everything, she would call everyday with a " wedding emergency" and I would drop everything and go help her. I even paid for alot of things. The whole time I assumed I was going to be the maid of honor because she doesnt have any family members ( besides her mom ) and I am my brother's only sister, and she only has one "friend" but they havent actually talked in over a year ( besides like a hi or a text here and there) ... but then we didnt talk for a week ( my FIL died and we went to stay with my MIL in another state ) and over that time I didnt really have that much contact with her..... when we got home I got a call from my aunt asking me why I wasnt a bridesmaid ... I said " what?" and she said that my SIL asked the friend that she barely talks to, my 13 year old cousin, and 2 girls thats she works with ( that she doesnt talk to or see outside of work) .......

When I seen her I asked if she had picked all of her wedding party yet ( I didnt want to just come out and ask her) ... and she said yes and she told me she did and that she already let everyone know and that her and "her girls" are going next week to do their dresses , and wanted to know if I could drive my kids there seperatly ( my son is the ring barrer and my daughter is the flower girl) because her and "her girls" are going ot have an all day thing together .....

That just hurt my feelings sooo much ! I mean I understnad she never exactly asked me will you be my bridesmaid, but when she said things " we are going to look so good on the big day" and talking about getting our nails done the same way, and since I helped her plan it all I just assumed I would atleast be apart of it... especially since the people she did chose arent even close to her...

also I know it is her wedding, her choice... I just want to know if I basically have a "right" to be upset over this ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (25)
  • Why do YOU think she chose other people?

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:34 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would be upset, but i'd also tell her how I was feeling so that she knew. I can't imagine that she intentionally wanted to hurt you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would be upset yeah. Have you talked to her about the whole bridesmaid thing prior though? She might have thought that you didn't want to be a part of the wedding like that.

    Answer by xMs.Boss.Divax at 11:35 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would be, especially with all the time, effort and money you've put towards helping her. I can understand if the people she included in the party were people she was really close to, but it doesn't sound like she is, and why she didn't include one more person doesn't make sense.

    Don't feel bad though, I've never been asked to be in anyone's wedding party.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:36 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would be upset, just talk to her don't keep it bottled up inside of you! Best of luck with your situation hun!

    Answer by jdbrown21 at 11:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • In all honesty, being a bridesmaid is a pain, and it's expensive. My husband's sister asked both of us to be in the wedding, and it cost us almost $2K after all was said and done. I wouldnt' wish it on anyone.

    She probably figured you've already paid into it enough.

    If your feelings are hurt, talk to your brother about it. I didn't plan on having my sisters in law in my wedding-- I wasn't that close to them. But they talked to my husband, it was important to them (I thought I was doing them a favor by not having them in the wedding) and so I invited them to be part of the wedding party.


    Answer by Busimommi at 11:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Sounds to me like she did choose you to be her wedding coordinator. It may not feel that way just now, because you had your sights focused on a different honor. However, what you have been doing is a great honor, because she must really trust and think a lot of you to have allowed you such high ranks in planning her wedding.
    Chin up, ok?

    Answer by SpaceToast at 11:43 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I'd be upset. You should let her know your feelings are hurt or you will hold unnecessary resentment towards her.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:45 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Even though i love her she is one of those people who crave attention and drama.... the people that she chose are kind what you would call "cool and popular" and all are more of "party people" and me I only have a few friends and my life is my kids ( meaning I am in the house with them all day, I dont go out alot , etc) .....and I kind of think she did it to be "more popular" .... I mean she even let each of them invite alot of people ( my cousin is bringing 8 of her jr. high friends just so she will "having something to do " )

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • U have every right to be upset but this is her decision. Were u going to help her if u knew she was going to choose other ppl?? If u still would have helped her then keep quiet n deal with this on ur own. If u wouldn't have done it bcuz she wasnt going to chose u then maybe u shouldn't have helped her in the first place.

    I have a couple friends who will be helping me with my wedding. One assumed she would be a bridesmaid n I said no sorry. She was hurt. And I understand but shit, I don't want to pick her. N if she doesn't want to help me plan bcuz of it then it's ok. But don't ass-u-me!!

    Answer by Vero0724 at 11:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

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