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3 Bumps

Does anyone think they're not married to their soulmate.. and think they know who their soulmate really is?

I married the wrong man. I'm sure I know who the right one was/is. First loves.. die hard. Known each other since grade school. Know we're right for each other. But it never has and never will happen.

Intertwining, family, children in the mix.. Oops. Too late for deciding what I want to do on a whim or just because it's what I want.

^ is a fantasy that will never become reality.


Yes, I have a very, very, tough heart. Anything for my children. Anything.

Anyone else?

As a spin, though, does anyone think I should leave the hubby for the long lost love? Whether or not it would work out. Simply because I don't really love hubby in that way? Despite what it would do to my children?

Our relationship is not volatile or even lacking in caring, it is just passionless.


Your opinions will not change what I have already decided, but I am curious what some random strangers think. My heart hurts so badly. I like to hear the non-romantic and romantic banter of others about soul mates, love, etc.. And at least you're bound to be honest..

ETA: This is not a new feeling for me, ladies.   Not new at all.  I've wanted to be with this other man since we were kids.  He turned me away for a long time.. but he wants this too but we won't do it.  Won't.  I won't hurt my children like that.

This isn't a "mistaking the lack of "passionate love" for the consumate/continuous sort.  I know the psychology.  I was simply asking you if you thought that maybe people will be with the wrong man for the right reasons.. If you could relate.. if you had any thoughts on it.

This is not a new relationship.  I've been with this man for 8 years.. The passion disappeared well before we had children, years ago..  and I have addressed him about it.   He simply says if you're not happy leave.

Well gee, thanks.

@ a recent question: because I wanted children.  And.. I DO love him.  I don't want to hurt him.  I just wish we lived in a different sort of world, where we could have different loves in our lives at once.  He's a good friend to me.  We just don't seem to have a lot of similarities in core values or emotionality, which severely constricts us.  I think he makes a great part to my puzzle but my puzzle is not complete with just him in it.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I don't believe that all soulmates come in the form of romantic loves. My husband is not my soulmate. I love him a lot, but our connection isn't always soul-deep.

    I think that life is too short to be hurting and unhappy more than you have to be. I also think that tearing a family apart is hard on everyone.

    I know about passionless. My husband is a cold, logical person. I sometimes think he doesn't really FEEL anything like I feel things. Marriage takes work. Have you talked to your husband about renewing the spark?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:33 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Hmmm... Tough question.
    First off, have you tried to make the passionless relationship, well, passionful? (Have I tried to make a lick of sense? Sometimes... LOL)
    It seems to me that as long as you wish for this guy, your husband doesn't stand a chance. How can he compare with a fantasy about a first love whisking you away, and what-not? Also, I think you got to do what's best for you in this life, too. Plus, if you're unhappy with your relationship, it tends to impact the rest of your life in some way.
    Personally, I wouldn't leave for a fantasy without trying to bring my head out of the clouds and trying to work on the real world, first.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 12:34 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I think you only have this one life and you better live it how you want to. Relationships lose their lust and that doesn't mean that if you were with this other guy long enough to make a family you wouldn't get bored with him too.
    dbodani

    Answer by dbodani at 12:40 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • i do believe that there is someone out there for everyone... and i truely believe i found my soulmate... it took me till i was 23 to find him and a heck of a lot of men to know... but i wouldn't take non of it back... i'm happy and in love.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 12:51 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Instead of looking at what you don't have why not look at what you have and build from there. You can move on but it won't make you feel any different than you do now. You eventually will stop feeling that giddy feeling with the next person and will be in the same spot. your issues are not with your current spouse but with you. I would find a therapist and talk to them about your feelings. Hard to feel passion for someone you are with now when you are always looking back at the past. Good luck to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • If your not in love with him, why did you bother having children with him?
    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 1:25 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I think that you are the one that has to deal with your decision and should just think long and hard about what you want to do. Nobody can tell you what is right for you or your family because only you know every detail that made you feel the way you do. Any advice given would just be a ballpark guess. If you don't feel that you are in the right situation and that you would be happier elsewhere, maybe you should try a trial separation. Not necessarily for another guy, but to get out of a relationship you aren't "right" in. Keep in mind that your children are going to thrive as long as you make sure that you are a good mom. Lots of kids come from families where their parent's didn't stay together and it didn't ruin them. If you don't feel you belong with someone, your children will benefit from the happiness you will show them once you feel more in your place. I am happy to message with you; I was in a similar situation
    TitusMom7

    Answer by TitusMom7 at 1:31 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • If you've already made up your mind, then what's the point of giving opinions?
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:47 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • i met the man who was my true soulmate.... no he isn't the man I married... i love my husband though and we have a bond that is soul-deep. The man who was my soulmate, while he has a beautiful soul.... hes made many poor decisions in his life adn he could not provide me with the things that matter, a stable home, a safe environment, children. My husband gives me all these things and a love that is not based souly on passion and a deep connection but rather on respect, commitment, faith, ANd passion and a deep connection. I know i married the right man. I wil never question that but I also know what it was like to have my soulmate for however short a time I had him.
    GoldenLinds

    Answer by GoldenLinds at 3:06 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I have a friend that I grew up with, we never dated, but we talked a lot and at some point even made a pact that if we weren't married to someone else by the time we were 30 we would marry eachother. Well, we both got married the same year to other people but there is still some kind of connection between us that I can't explain. And because of that connection I have wondered if maybe we made the wrong choices by marrying other people but when I really think about it, even though my husband and I are pretty much complete opposites, my husband is everything that I really NEED him to be. And so I know he's the right one for me. It may not always be easy and he may not always be the way or what I WANT him to be but he definitely is the way and what I NEED him to be. I am happy that I have finally found peace with this issue but I'm sorry that you I guess haven't yet.
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 6:01 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

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