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his words contradict themselves? about guys & girls being friends

On one hand, my husband has many times told me that guys & girls can't be just friends without one of them thinking something "more" at the least one of them having occasional sexual oriented thoughts about them not necessarily full out relationship . He has said this many times in reference to my past friends that were guys because a couple of them had a thing for me and I never realized it till later on. Him and my stepdad have jokingly yet truthfully agreed that men don't do things for women their not in a relationship with unless they want something in return,at least want some flirtation or their current wife/gf makes them help out one of their friends in which case its not his choice lol. I used to always be friends with guys, not very many interests etc. tend to align with guys not girls so it always ended up like that. At this point I don't have those friends anymore because we move every couple years (miiltary). I try to make friends with females, but that doesn't work out well for me usually. Well recently he was chit chatting with a female in an online game (friendly, casual, suggested a song to her to make her feel better cause her boyfriend yelled at her, game advice) and I got jealous, then I blurted out something about it and felt bad afterward cause he took it as me not trusting him. (he has never done anything to make me not trust him btw) We talked it out, its fine now, I apologized for blurting out kinda harshly, told him I do trust him.I dont want to be possessive or the jealous type, I have no real reason to be. Well, It just hit me this morning, if he really believes men & women can't be friends without one of them thinking about something more or having some "sexual tension" then why is he not holding himself to this standard? Whether it's true is not the point here, if he really believes in his own words about male/female friendship, then doesn't that mean he shouldn't be friends with a girl? Im not asking if he's wrong for saying that or believing it. I'm saying if he 100% meant those words that m/f can't be friends without one of them wanting something or thinking something more, then by that logic doesn't it mean either him or that girl was thinking something more in which case he shouldn't be talking to her? Although we worked this out and I dont want to be the jealous type, I admit if I ever seen him talking to her again in private chat in game instead of the open guild chat (everyone can read it) I would feel jealous again, but probably not say anything. I want to ask him if he really believes this about m/f relationships then why does not hold himself to the same standard, but I dont know how to ask this without coming off as confronting him cause Im really not accusing him of anything I just want to understand this.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:19 AM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • If my DH said that to me. Basically I can not have men friends. Then he started talking to a female. I would throw that in his face. ( What your DH told you). Basically, I can't have male friends, you can't have lady friends.PERIOD!!!!

    I have always lend to having male friends too. But when I got married I didn't think it was right to have other men in my life. I told my DH that too about him and women friends. So we do not have opposite sex friends.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:22 AM on Jan. 8, 2011


    Answer by ISLANDGIRL1234 at 6:48 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Men and women can definitely be friends without anyone expecting anything. I have male friends that come over when DH is out of town (they do when he's in town as well). DH knows, he doesn't care because he trusts me and them. Likewise, he will go to lunch with some of the girls in his office - I don't mind, I trust him. In our situation, they are really mutual friends, we all know each other at least casually. Why don't you befriend this woman that your DH talks to? If you trust him, there is nothing to be worried about. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:41 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

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