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I know a woman who's dh is a tool. She often talks of leaving him but never does.

He dosen't contribute to the house much, cleaning, occasionally, with the kids very little and financially (after he spends his money there's really nothing left to contribute). Over the last year or 2 that I've known them she has talked to me about leaving him several times. The things that he says/does and expects of her and the kids would be in my opinion justified in leaving him. Now I'm not suggesting that she does leave him and I never have. I've been a listening ear and supportive and such but it's getting old. I have pointed out to her that she has said this before and never leaves him. He will get the picture when things get to her breaking point and he'll change for a short while but is then back to his old ways. He's not changing it's the same things again and again. I'm sure someone out there has a friend like this and what do you do/say to this person?
I'm at a loss, she would be no worse off without him. I know this beacuse she lived with him working in another city and only coming home on weekends and she was doing just fine, even better. Those were her words. I just don't know what to say to her anymore. It's gettting frustrating hearing it over and over again. Will this pattern ever change for them?


Asked by AmandaH321 at 9:35 AM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,472 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • She's not going to change until she is ready to. Let her vent, contribute your opinion if she asks for it - but don't expect her to make any changes until she has thought everything through and is confident in her decisions.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:56 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Probably not. You've lent her and ear and she's taken it (and run with it). It probably makes her feel better to rant about it. Maybe you don't have to suggest she leave, but start saying to her, hey, when you end up leaving, wouldn't it be nice to do this, or get this, or whatever. Start talking about the future and not the present.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Oh yea..the story is all too familiar. I don't even bother offering advice anymore, I just continue to listen and agree with what she says, because she is saying ALL the right things..she just isn't DOING them. After 2 years of it I just got to the point where I could really care less. Maybe that makes me a bad friend in a way, but really what else can ya do?

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:56 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Irritating isn't it? I don't give advice anymore because she never takes it and I'm sick of hearing it already. Wish she would just leave the bum already.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 2:29 PM on Jan. 8, 2011