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MAJOR VENT!! (very long)

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN...

I THINK IM OVER THE STRESSED MARK AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE.

I HAVE TWO LITTLE BOYS WHO ARE MY WORLD AND SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK MY HUSBAND THINKS THE SAME WAY I DO. IM HOME ALL THE TIME WITH THE BOYS 24 HOURS A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK. IM A STAY AT HOME MOM. THEIR DAD WORKS MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY 12HR SHIFTS WHICH HAPPEN TO BE 7AM TIL 7PM AND ITS A DRIVE SO HE DOESNT GET HOME UNTIL ABOUT 8 AND GOES STRAIGHT TO BED SO HE CAN GET SLEEP TO BE BACK UP AND THEN HE WORKS SATURDAYS TO FOR 9 HOURS FROM 5AM TIL 3PM BUT DOESNT GET HOME TIL 4 AND THEN NAPS FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

I NEVER GET A BREAK. WHEN THE BOYS WAKE UP ITS OF COURSE AFTER THEIR DAD GOES TO WORK AND THEY ARE IN BED BEFORE HE GETS HOME AND IM ASLEEP SOMETIMES BEFORE HE GETS IN. IM EXHAUSTED AND I SOMETIMES WISH OH WHEN HE GETS HOME I CAN TAKE AT LEAST A 5MINUTE BREAK AND HE CAN WATCH THE BOYS. NO NOT AT ALL HE SAYS HE IS TO TIRED AND JUST GOES TO BED.

YES I UNDERSTAND HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES THE MONEY BUT I DONT THINK HE GETS THAT I HAVE A HARD JOB TOO. MY BOYS ARE 19MOS A PART AND ARE A HANDFUL AT TIMES AND I HAVE NO HELP FROM ANYONE. THATS SOMETHING ELSE THAT BUGS ME TOO ABOUT HIM MAKING THE MONEY. THATS TOTALLY FINE IF HE WANTS TO WORK AND HAVE ME BE A STAY AT HOME MOM WHATEVER IM COOL WITH IT BUT NEVER GIVING ME ANY MONEY BECAUSE HE GETS IT DIRECT DEPOSITED AND WE HAVE ONE BANK CARD AND ITS IN HIS WALLET AND HIS EXCUSE IS WELL YOU DONT GO ANYWHERE SO WHY DO YOU NEED MONEY?

WELL HELLO IF THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY OF SOME KIND OR I NEEDED SOMETHING QUICK I CANT GET IT I HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM AND WITH HIS SCHEDULE DOES IT REALLY SOUND LIKE HE HAS TIME? NO I DONT THINK SO- AND THEN HE TELLS ME WELL CALL MY GRANDMA SHE WILL GET IT AND ILL JUST PAY HER WHEN IM DONE. ITS CALLED CUT THE  CORD AND GROW UP AND STOP RELYING ON EVERYONE ELSE AND BE AN ADULT YOUR GOINGTO BE 25 YEARS OLD SERIOUSLY GROW UP.

OH AND WHEN HIS UNCLE CALLS HIM TO GO TO HIS HOUSE AND MESS AROUND WITH CARS AND STUFF HE JUMPS AND RUNS TO IT BUT IF I ASKED HIM TO WATCH THE BOYS OR DRESS THEM HE FIGHTS WITH ME. I TELL HIM TO GO GET CLOTHES FOR THEM AND HE SAYS WHERE ARE THEY? IS HE SERIOUS?? UGHHHH  HE DOES EVERYTHING FOR THEM BUT NOTHING AROUND HERE AND ITS ANNOYING.

THEN IM ON HIM NOW BECAUSE I WANT TO MOVE OUT OF THIS PLACE. I FOUND ANOTHER HOUSE AND ITS REALLY CHEAP FOR WHERE ITS AT BUT HE WONT HAVE IT. HE REFUSES TO MOVE AND BASICALLY THINKS ITS HIS DECISION TO WHAT WE DO AND WHERE WE DO EVERYTHING.ITS HIS WAY OR NO WAY AND IM TIRED OF IT- WE HAD A CHANCE TO BUY A HOUSE FROM MY RELATIVE AND JUST BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE CITY WHEN WE WENT TO LOOK AT IT HE HAD SUCH A BAD ATTITUDE ABOUT IT AND MADE IT KNOWN HE DIDNT WANT TO MOVE SO SHE CALLED THE NEXT DAY AND BASICALLY SAID BECAUSE HE REALLY DIDNT WANT TO MOVE SHE DIDNT WANT TO SELL IT TO US NOW.

WE LOSE OUT ON EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE IS STUBBORN AND WONT COMPROMISE FOR ANYTHING. I USED TO LIVE IN THE CITY I GAVE UP EVERYTHING I CAME FROM AND MOVED TO WHERE HE LIVED AND THAT WAS IN THE COUNTRY EXCEPT WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE. THERE ARE TREES ALL AROUND AND I DONT HAVE NEIGHBORS IT GETS KIND OF LONELY BEING HERE ALL THE TIME. ANYTIME IT SNOWS IM SNOWED IN BECAUSE MY DRIVEWAY IS THAT BAD SO WE CANT DO ANYTHING.

THEN THERES THE INSIDE OF THIS PLACE I THINK IF WE WOULD EVER MOVE IT JUST NEEDS KNOCKED DOWN. I HATE IT. I CANT WASH CLOTHES HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE A SPRING AND UP THE HILL FROM US THESE RICH ASSHOLES BOUGHT LAND AND TAPPED INTO IT SO NOW WE HAVE TO WATCH HOW MUCH WE USE SO THERE FORE I CANT WASH CLOTHES I HAVE TO GATHER THEM UP AND TAKE THEM TO HIS GRANDMAS SO SHE CAN WASH THEM FOR US.

I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE FOR US BUT I WOULD LOVE TO WASH MY OWN CLOTHES ON MY OWN TIME AND BE ABLE TO WASH DISHES WHEN I WANT TO AND TAKE A FREAKING BATH!! (WE CAN TAKE SHOWERS) JUST NOT ENOUGH WATER TO ACTUALLY FILL UP THE BATHTUB. WHICH TOTALLY SUCKS. EVERYTHING IS JUST SO WRONG HERE AND HE DOESNT SEE IT THAT WAY BECAUSE HE HAS THIS DREAM HE WILL BUILD US A HOUSE.

THATS TOTALLY FINE BUT ITS GOING TO TAKE ATLEAST 20 YEARS FOR HIM TO BUILD ONE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO DO IT ALL ALONE. UGH MEN.. ITS SOO IRRITATING. SO IM HOPING SOON HE WILL STOP AND JUST GO LOOK AT THIS NEW HOUSE I FOUND ITS REALLY NICE A 4 BEDROOM AND ITS ROOMY.

THE HOUSE THAT I FOUND IS STILL IN THE MOUNTAINS AND ITS ONLY 10MINUTES FROM WHERE WE LIVE NOW AND HE WILL NOT BUDGE. HE WANTS TO HAVE A FARM SO HE GOES AND GETS GOATS AND PIGS AND TURKEYS AND CHICKENS YOU NAME IT WELL NOW HE WANTS A HORSE. AND WHO HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. I DOO!!!!! BECAUSE HE IS WORKING ALL THE TIME AND DOESNT HAVE TIME TO DO IT.

IM SORRY I CANT TAKE CARE OF 20+ ANIMALS THAT NEED CARE ALL THE TIME PLUS TWO LITTLE BOYS ITS JUST NOT HAPPENING. I WONT DO IT. I JUST PRAY EVERYDAY HE CHANGES HIS WAYS AND HE WILL LEARN HE ISNT SINGLE ANYMORE. HE HAS A WIFE AND TWO KIDS AND HE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT US TO NOT JUST HIMSELF.

WHOEVER TAKES THE TIME OUT AND ACTUALLY READ ALL OF THIS THANK YOUU!! I JUST NEEDED SOMEWHERE TO VENT BECAUSE I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE TO TALK TO. WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS YOUR FRIENDS THAT DONT KIND OF JUST DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND BEING COUPED UP ALL THE TIME HERE IT JUST GETS STRESSFUL

I TRY AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME AND WHEN HE DOESNT LISTEN I EVEN WROTE HIM A LETTER WHICH HE READ THE WHOLE THING AND THEN HE TRIES THIS WHOLE BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WE CANT AFFORD IT .

UHM HUNNY WE CAN HE GETS PAID EVERY WEEK A PAY CHECK OF ATLEAST $800 EVERY TIME SO DONT TELL ME IF WE MOVED WE COULDNT AFFORD ANYTHING ITS CALLED BUDGET YOUR MONEY AND STOP BUYING UNECCESSARY THINGS WE DONT NEED.

OK NOW I THINK IM DONE. THANKS AGAIN!!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • sounds like he doesn't get much of a break either.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:47 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Holy cow! Good venting. Poor girl. Take a deep breath. Find a way to get to a counselor for you and your husband. You guys need for things to change desperately
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 10:48 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • oh he does get a break. like today he is working now he called to tell me after work he is going to his uncles to work with im and mess around with derby cars. i think he should come home and help me with his kids but he's rather go and do other things instead. his kids are 2 and 1 and he has NEVER watched them by his self ever. i left one time for two hours and he took them to his grandmas bc he didnt want to change their diapers. i really love my husband but it just doesnt feel like he is giving as much as i am and im going to go insane and i tell him im going to go into depression or something and he laughs it off like its a joke and tells me to stop it. im sorry thats not something you just "stop"
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:12 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I'm sure he is stressed too. Think of it this way, you should be grateful you have a husband who busts his ass so you can stay home.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 12:24 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • My DH works 12 hours/6 days. He leaves the house at 8:30 am and walks in the door at almost 10 pm. My two oldest are 19 months apart, then there is a 3 year break, and the two youngest are 18 months apart. I know how stressed you are. I know how much you want a break. You need to do it. Even if you have to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours, you need to get out.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:59 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • @ gulfcoastmom4 ... yeah i know he is stressed but he doesnt have to bust his ass all the time to work he chose to take all those hours at work. i had a job and i was working but i was off on maternity leave and then the place ended up closing while i was off. and i tell him everyday im going and get a job and he refuses to let me work because he doesnt want to watch the boys he will tell me that because he isnt around enough to know how i punish them or the routine that i am in with them and when he has days off i try to spend time with him and show him and he just yells and goes outside and does what he wants and im stuck inside with the boys. i love my boys to death and im not at all complaining about taking care of them i would just like a break every once and awhile thats all and he doesnt see it that way he thinks when i go to bed thats my break and its not i still get up through the night with my boys if they need me
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:10 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I totally get where you're coming from and you are taking a step to deal with your isolation and loneliness by venting here. Hopefully, our CM'ers won't be too harsh because it sounds like you just need a sympathetic ear and maybe a little advice. He sounds like he's stressed too and it's making him be more...douche-baggish. LOL Not allowing you to have any money? How do you get groceries? Can you write a check for $20 over just to have a little spending money? Can you start taking your boys to a story time at your local library? How about a local MOMS Club chapter? http://momsclub.org/ Maybe you should take a very proactive role in your finances and read The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. Maybe he'll read it too! Good luck!

    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 1:36 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • It sounds like you need to go off on him. Let him have hit but without cussing and attacking, just vent to him. You are so right in everything you wrote and you need to stand up for yourself and your kids. It's your life to and you sound trapped, what about yu and what u want. It's not like he bought you, you're his wife and the mother of his kids! Tell him off and maybe he'll be surprised and start listening to what needs to be done. It's a marriage, 2 people, 2 lives, things flow both ways. He sounds VERY selfish and annoying. Maybe he's immature since he's 25 but I know I started our family at the age of 18, planned by the way by both of us, and I have been training him ever since. You need to realize that we run the household, so we run it all. He needs to get checked and if you involve someone he respects like maybe his mom or dad and get them on your side then maybe things will start to turn around.
    nqmochafrappe

    Answer by nqmochafrappe at 3:44 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

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