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I dont know what more I can do

My brilliant 19 y/o son had a full-ride scholarship to college. He was doing great until his dad passed in Feb, 2010. He wont see a counselor, & now has decided not to go back to school next semester. He has lost all focus. I have talked w/ him, cried w/ him, pleaded w/ him, even gave stern expectations. I've been thru every range of emotion, tried every tactic/approach I can think of & to no avail. It's like he's hellbent on this downward spiral & is making a huge mistake(s) I know he will regret later. Now it seems all that is left is for me to just sit back & watch the horror show. Help! :(


Asked by mrsmom110 at 10:41 AM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (284,686 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I feel for you, you've got to be feeling at such a loss for how to help him. It's hard to watch someone spiral down, when you can see the outcome, and they can't. Maybe it's time for everyone in the family to pull rank, come together and get him back on track. You may not able to do it alone. Also make sure his friends are involved, they may be able to have a little more influence at this time.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 10:52 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Is there any other older male that he is close to, a mentor that could talk to him? Maybe a counselor or professor at his college you can get in contact with? A older male family member? I'm just thinking if there is an older male in his life that he looks up to, maybe they can talk and help him through this... I wish I knew of more help, but I'll be praying...

    Answer by TiffyTaffy79 at 10:47 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • can he take a semester off & go back next semester? It sounds like he's got too much going on iside him to focuss on school at the moment.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:44 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Unfortunately, he needs to go through the grieving process, and you can't force him to go through it faster. It is the only way he will heal healthily from his fathers death.
    Everyone grieves differently, and some take longer.
    I don't know much about scholarships, but what will happen if he takes a semester break? Will he lose the scholarship?
    i am so sorry this is happening to you, but as i said, he NEEDS to be allowed to grieve. In his own time.
    i DO however think if you can somehow convince him to see a therapist that would help a lot with him learning to deal with the grieving and going to school as well . That way he can try to stay focused on priorities, and have time to go through the healing process too....

    Answer by TheMaMaBear_321 at 10:50 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • He is grieving. He needs time, but I understand that you do not want him to cause major damage to his future. Be there for him.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:50 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • the lost of love one is hard on any one but your son and his father where close he is having hard time .
    i know when i lost my parents it was hard ,and yes we do things that others think is wrong you son feels lost .
    right now he just wanted some space,you must trust your son and don't lose hope both you and your husband has taught your son
    what is expected of him ,let him heal first and he is only 19yrs old he need find him self before he can be who he once was
    and you need to stand by till he reaches out to you ,yes you will help him mom because that's what we do
    if fall's or make mistake we learn and grow from it ,and needs to grow in time he might or might not go back that's okay to as long as he happy that's what we want for our kids

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:19 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • i havent lost a parent but i lost a little sister and it was hard, and all i can say is he is going to go through what he is going through because he is hurt, maybe ask him what he needs instead of telling him what he needs to do, offer a vacation for him something to vent and let loose, sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on him to do an awful lot when he is going through so much already, one thing at a time. i am 27 if that helps with the age thing, thats how i would feel if i was in his shoes, i am in that stage now, let me be and let me grieve, I did my sisters hair which took four hours and i did her make up and painted her nails because they were blue for the funeral so i am dealing with that right now too so if it were me being pushed this is how i would feel, give it time and give him some space to breath, good luck to you both and so sorry for your loss

    Answer by emleejanedom at 3:39 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • He's grieving! GIVE HIM TIME! Taking a semester off is NOT going to put him in a downward spiral.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:09 PM on Jan. 8, 2011