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my husband admitted last night that he has an anger problem, he's going to get help but what else can i do for him?

he's not been himself for a while now. a month atleast. my husband was always the funny, class clown down to earth guy. lately he's been short tempered, distant, not wanting to help with the kids or look at me or even touch me (not sexually, but things like give me a random hug or stuff like that that he used to do a lot). i was at my wit's end last night and texted his mom, who called him and asked him to come over to help her with some stuff, and she got it out of him. he won't talk to me about anything, he gets annoyed easily and starts fuming. he doesn't shout or yell or get abusive, he just shuts down and doesn't want to talk or listen. im afraid if i push him he would get even angrier.

anyway after he came home, he apologized for his behavior and told me he's going to call the VA (he was discharged from the army in march of '10) and get some anger management courses and possibly screened for PTSD (his term overseas was back in 2008) and maybe even get on some meds if necessary. im so glad he's come to terms with the fact something isn't right in his head. this man i've been living with lately is not the man i married and i miss him terribly. im just tired of walking on egg shells and keeping the kids quiet so he doesn't get pissed off, which brings me to the next issue.

his anger is more towards the kids than with me. he literally cannot stand when our youngest, 11 months, cries and whines. the tone he uses with her only upsets her more and then he's upset even more. ive tried explaining to him that she's first of all a baby and you can't reason with a baby, and that his tone is what affects her. if he stayed calm when trying to re-direct her she would too. but that doesn't seem to be soaking in. last night, i actually witnessed him smack her (lightly) on the cheek because she kept spitting out her hot dog. he didn't know i saw, but later that night i brought it up. it only infuriated him that i was questioning him about it. but after speaking with his mom, he did apologize for how he handled that. that's the one and only time he's ever laid a hand on one of them. and it wasn't hard, but it's definitely not an effective way to get her to eat. she got upset, and then he was pissed even more. obviously he needs help dealing with his anger, this behavior is very unlike him.

he thinks the source is from his job. i think he's having trouble dealing with civilian life. he hates his job, he works there 50 hours a week so we see him very little. he says this upsets him too. he also never really dealt with the recent passing of his grandfather, who was his father figure. i think he has some unresolved greif laying around inside of him that he needs to get out.

im wondering if, since he seems to take his anger out more on the kids, should i stay with my mom for a while? would a week or so help him get the breather he needs from them? or will nothing at all help until he talks to a psychiatrist? i just want to be as helpful as i can, i want my husband back. i don't know what to do in this situation. my first priority is protecting the kids, and though i dont feel like they're in any danger, im wondering if time away from them will help him. my oldest is 4 and im sure she can sense something isn't right.

thanks for reading and for any answers/advice in advance.

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 11:50 AM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Just give him time to get the help he needs. Don't get upset with him when he walks away and leaves you to deal with the kids. It's safer for him to walk away and cool down.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Just be as supportive and understanding as you possibly can. I don't think leaving would help with an anger problem, he will probably feel abandoned. Let him know your there to help him grow and get past this. I have learned in my relationship that as long as he knows I will weather the storm with him and just be there as his support he does much better, much faster. Good luck and I hope you have him back soon!

    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 12:35 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • My brother has PTSD. He saw some horrible stuff overseas and told us about it. When he came to visit us, we got in an argument about him trying to parent my kids and I went off on him and told him to parent his own dd. That sent him over the edge. He physically attacked me, was screaming and yelling at me, broke my door. I had to call the police so he would leave. Turns out he had a warrant for a DUI he never took care of, so he went to jail. After he got out, he was calm and extremely apologetic. He had no control over his actions. That PTSD is something not to be messed with. I feel for our troops. Until he gets diagnosed and deals with his problems, there is nothing you can do about it. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:45 PM on Jan. 8, 2011