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How to get over him after 10yrs!

I have been with my daughters father for about 10 yrss. I really believed at some point he geniuinely loved me as mush as I loved him. It has always been an on and off relationship with him. he can be so mean with words and emotioins but not so much verbally abusive. He would stop coming around and then try to start a relationship with someone else when that diidnt work he knew that my heart and home would always be open to him no matter what. I love him beacause he is my first, because he is my daughters father, because he was the father of my 2 babies that I lost. I love him so much that it hurts that he doenst love me. I keep forcing myself onto him to get him to love me back and its hard to believe that he doenst want to be a part of my life and my daughters. I serioudlty try to get over him but cant and I am home crying all the time because I miss him and want him here. I want us to be a family. I want that. I dont see my self ever being happy without him in my life even though he causes pain at times. wehn he is into me he is such a great man. I think the reason he has fallen out of love with me because I am not as attractive as I use to be when we first met. I was very high maintenence, nice body and always very put together. I have gained a few pounds, not to many but I am not what I use to be and I think after 10yrs he wants some new, pretty and a total package. I am always there for him no matte rwhat never did anything bad to him to ruin our relationship, but he seems to always throw stuff I never did in my face to justify his behavior towards me. We never had a falling out at all and now he wont even speak to me, someone that has spent 10yrs with will not speak to me at all. I cant get over that he has no ove for me and if he decided he wants to be back I would be there with open arms and I cant stop it. I keep trying to distant myself and stop thinking about him but I feel without him I have no one and no one will ever want me.

I have no family and no friends and he was always the only person there for me. someone I can talk to when I am having a hard time. Someone to lift me up when I am down and now he wants no part of me at all.. How do I get over it without feeling miserable>

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Here's where I see the biggest part of the problem. You say "I have no family and no friends" ... that's not a healthy place for anyone to be, partner or not. It would be well worth it to cultivate some friendships, so that you're not left feeling without support and so that you can be a support to others as well.

    It's hard, it hurts, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Take care of yourself, if you're not happy with your weight then work on losing some, and start investing all that energy you're using thinking about and missing him into yourself. You never know what may happen next.
    ihatetocook

    Answer by ihatetocook at 1:30 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • May I suggest you read this book: Breaking up without breaking down, there is a web site with the same name where you can purchase it, just add .com
    older

    Answer by older at 1:29 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • It took me yrs to get over someone after 20 yrs of marriage. You just need to go volunteer do things you have always wanted to do and get counseling to help you. Good Luck Dear!
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 1:29 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • You really need a group of friends! Leave him alone and maybe that can work, let him think he lost you 4 real. you're story sounds like mine would've been if I would've gotten stuck with an old bf i once had. So sorry u have those feelings! U need 2 find someone else but first let everything go, clear your mind, think of yourself first. u can't find love again if u don't fix you're mind! Try exercise, meditate, read, pamper yourself again. Men like some type of high maintenance because it shows that u value yourself. It seems like u no longer do that. There's tons of men but only one you, take care of yourself 1st and the rest will come. goodluck and u can click on me if u ever need 2 talk!;)
    nqmochafrappe

    Answer by nqmochafrappe at 3:23 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • The best way to get over someone is to find someone else. It is hard to hear and not the ideal answer, but it is real.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 1:39 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • tootoobusy thats how I feel but I feel I will NEVER find someone else.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:46 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Look for groups to socialize with at www.meetup.com. You can search for book clubs there, lunch groups, etc. Get out and have some fun. Don't look for anyone just enjoy what interests you and you never know what great people you might meet.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:21 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I know it hurts, I waited 4 yrs for my S/O in the Marines, he came home & after a yr left me & our son. I went out, got a job & just started dating, I cried everytime I'd go home bec it wasn't him I was out with. I'd run into him now & then, once he saw me w/a date & wasn't too happy either. I use to find reasons to call just to hear his voice, or make up an excuse for him to come over, fix this , fix that. I thought my whole world had been torn out from under me. After 5 mos I asked him to help put up our Christmas tree & he asked to spend the night. I said, " No, I didn't want our son to be disapointed to see him there in the morning." Killing me on the inside. Long story short, he stayed the night after saying he wanted to come back for good. We have been together almost 48 yrs now, with 3 kids. IF you really Love each other some how it will work, IF not then you should move on & make yourself a Happy Person Again.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

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