I'm turning to you ladies b/c I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years with 2 kids. We only dated each other 6 months before I got pregnant with our son. We wanted to be married and we truly felt we were meant for each other - I'm 29 years old so it's not like I'm 23 telling you this but we were on the younger side when we got married. we were very happy until my mother in-law and sister in-law became a problem which was about 2 years ago (we had little arguments here and there about them 2 years prior to that but they were little at that point) and now for the last year all we do is argue about them - it's about a biweekly argument date that we have. They are pretty heated arguments to the point he's throwing things and I'm telling him I'm fed up w/ it.
My sis in-law is 36 yrs old but is single and still depends on mommy &daddy and she's an alcoholic. She blames everyone for her issues. We live about 2.5 hours from his family so we don't see them that often and I was finishing my degree the whole time. Anyway, one night she called at 2am to tell my husband how I keep him from his family, he should try to find a job near his side, said things about my lil sis becoming my son's godmother was the wrong decision - just a bunch of woes me and everyone is out to get me (she takes responsibility for nothing). Her and I got into a huge argument and I ended it w/ we're not going to be close but atleast we can try to be civil. Right after that she pretty much cried to mommy/daddy and my hell has begun.
His mother is extremely passive aggressive and knows how to play my husband like a fiddle (as does his sis) - he's a momma's boy. I knew she was having an issue w/ what was going on between his sis & I so there were a couple of occasions I brought it up but she would never open her mouth about anything and would just listen. She told everyone else how she felt but not me. Last Thanksgiving took the cake when we spent 3 days together as a fam and she didn't speak to me once. I was pregnant at this point and I didn't say anything but after my daughter was born I decided to call her and get to the root of the issue. I called & said I think we need to talk b/c I get really upset when she gets passive aggressive. Well that must have just set her off b/c after that I couldn't get in a word edge wise. She told me I'm ignorant, controlling, I make a mountain out of a mole hill (pretty much she just wants me to take how that family acts up the butt), direspectful, and countless other nastier things (I"m too upset right now to remember it all). She also said things about my mother being ignorant and my family are animals compared to her own (fyi my mom is a little flaky but she is the most genuinely sweet person you would ever meet and has been nothing but welcoming to my mom in-law). I ended this convo w/ 'I don't like you and you don't like me but we will respect each other' and she agreed. Not 24 hours later she lied about everything - she told people (including my husband) that I said all the things she said to me. It wouldn't be so bad if I actually got a chance to tell her all the nasty things I wanted to say but all I get out was about how she's passive aggressive and that was just said b/c I was trying to explain to her why I was upset. Where I went was not having my HB with me to hear what was going on.
Since last Feb. my HB & I have gotten into our biweekly arguments about this situation. I want nothing to do w/ them and he still does (obviously). I don't go to anything his family has but our issues come up b/c anytime he does anything w/ them I get upset and Iruin his day prior to it starting w/ them - I guess I'm wrong but I hate these people & I honestly don't think my kids should be around someone who talks about their mother this poorly. I don't know what avenue to take to get over this. I do have anger issues when I feel disrespected and I can def hold a grudge but this isn't healthy for me or my family. He recently told me b/c I called his mom names (only thing I said was she's Pass Agg) then that's why she felt she had to tell me what's bothering her - that I'm all those things I listed. He said he doesn't believe me and thats what hurts so much. He also said he doesn't feel this is going anywhere and we need to see someone b/c we aren't going to work out if he can't hang out w/ his fam w/out an argument everytime - he's not wrong but I can't help it .Whenever he talks about it w/ his fam he does defend me but when we talk about it he doesn't. I know he's in a tough spot as well but I need a partner. I know this is a silly argument compared to what other people go thru but either way this is what gets to me. I want them out of my life and I'm starting to resent him for this whole thing. I have taken this a bit far but I'm starting to think it's b/c we shouldn't be together at all but we have kids. HELP!!!!!
Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by amybaby_19 at 1:46 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
Answer by amybaby_19 at 1:47 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
Answer by 2pittsburghboys at 1:56 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
First (((HUGS))) second we have a person like that in our family and I say or said this phrase to her a whole lot " I am sorry you are having problems with said individual but please leave me out. Trust me the first couple times its hard but keep saying it talk to your husband and tell him bringing the outside in is hurting your relationship sit him down and say why are we fighting about the problems of other people and problems that are not our own? Or drama? You should also realize how much of this is caused by unhappy people outside and tell your husband what are we going to do to make our marriage better? GL Momma
Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:15 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
Answer by MyAngel003 at 3:23 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
Answer by MyAngel003 at 3:34 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
Answer by soraya14 at 4:41 PM on Jan. 8, 2011
Answer by JazzyJes at 8:37 PM on Jan. 8, 2011