Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Does it start at home?

When people see a child/tween/teen misbehaving or acting out a lot of them say it starts at home. They blame the parent for the child's behavior. I think that sometimes this is true. But I have seen situations where the parents have done everything they can to try and raise a well behaved kid and the child is still rebellious.

What's you take on this? Is there only so much a parent can do?

 
myree85

Asked by myree85 at 4:05 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (15,595 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • i think it depends on the kid and the situation etc. I think its too hard to use a blanket theory over all kids because some kids could have behavoiral disorders, or past abuse that occured outside the family, etc etc. hard to know, i think it has to be judged on a child by child basis, no two kids are the same.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 4:35 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I think there is only so much a parent can do. Granted, sometimes it can be a parent's fault.
    But me and my brother came from the same house. He's been arrested several times and always in trouble, and I WORK at the police department. I think that's a perfect example of how it's not always the parent's fault.
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 4:08 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • i truelly believe that a parent can only do there best...
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 4:09 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • There is bratty, mouthy kids where the parents are at fault and then there are cases where the kids are on drugs, have ODD, autism, etc. and it isn't the parent's fault.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:09 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I think that parents have far more influence than they give themselves credit for, and I also believe that there is going to far with parental intervention. I know that I'm guilty of giving in just to have some peace, but I'm also guilty to imposing my rules to the point the "point" of the rule becomes lost. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and there's no such thing and raising the perfect child.

    My hope is that I can teach my child the skills to live on their own and be a productive person. However, I know that at some point, my child is going to make mistakes. I only hope that I taught them the skills to identify how to make the best choice in that situation, and if they don't, how to rectify it to the best of their abilities.
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 4:13 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I thikn parent's have a huge influence on how their children behave. I think it also depends on the circumstances surrounding a child. My son has fears and anxieties that are effecting his behaviour and it's making things a little harder. But I am not about to just slack off and say that all his behaviours are due to his anxieties. He is still reminded of proper behaviour and how to handle situations. But I do think that there are plenty of situations where it's the parent's fault that their children are the way they are, especially when they are so young. And I only say this of people I've spent time with and seen how their "disipline" plays out and how it doesn't.
    My grandma has 4 children and they all couldn't be any different and she blames herself for their issues. At some point it is no longer the parent's who influence their kids but other things in life. And that's when they start making their own decisions.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 4:31 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Mostly it's the parent but not always. Peer pressure and even a childs temperment is a big factor
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 4:44 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • It's usually the parents fault.... odesn't meant hey were bad parents for all their children.

    Different approaches and structures work differently for different children. Some children, maybe two out of three that live in a house, will find a reigime and structure great, and maybe the third one feels crushed and stifled by the same things.

    I think a lot of parents have difficulties in raising their children as individuals, and not 'children'.
    Piskie

    Answer by Piskie at 5:28 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I had great, supportive, loving parents. They took care of me, we ate dinner together every night, they never fought in front of me, and they took me seriously. By the age of 15, I was a rebellious drug addict with a shaved head who had to be sent away to rehab. Not their fault. People make their own decisions.
    soflashelley

    Answer by soflashelley at 9:19 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • there really is so much a parent can do. Some parents are lazy and don't correct their children's behaviors, but some children are very strong willed and do what they want regardless of what their parents teach them. My older daughter is very independent and strong willed. We have learned different methods for keeping her behavior under control, but any parent less dedicated would probably be letting her run wild and out of control. Even with these 'methods' there are very often times that she has tantrums or outbursts in public.. and there really is nothing I can do about it. It has nothing to do with what she has learned at home because she is expected to be a polite well behaved child, but kids will be kids and mine is out of control at times despite my best efforts.
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 12:07 AM on Jan. 9, 2011