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2 Bumps

Why do some parents....

This is more of vent but here goes, why is it that some parents don't seem to do much for their kids? They're irresponsible, don't provide for their own kids and ask for handouts!

One of son's aunts is like this. She doesn't work but she'll be dressed up, smoking cigarettes, and going out every weekend. Then she turns around and asks me if I have any clothes or shoes I can give her for her son (He's 2 mines 3). In the past I've given her some of my son's things for her child but I feel bad for the little guy. Now I'm starting to resent it. I'm a single mom and I work hard to provide for my son. I give up a lot so that he has everything he needs. Is it wrong if I flat out tell her no, I won't give her anymore clothes for her son?

 
myree85

Asked by myree85 at 4:42 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 23 (15,595 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • What grinds me, and I'm guilty of judging because of it, is when you're out in public and you see a mom with like a designer handbag and iPhone and she's all dressed up and then you look at her child/ren and they're in scruffy clothes and look like they were just picked up from the side of the road.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 4:52 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • If you really need the money and feel she's taking advantage of you, I would say something like, sorry i'm going to have to try to make a little money out of his clothes and sell them to Once Upon a child or on ebay, b/c I'm broke too and need the $ to buy my son more clothes. GL
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 4:44 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Will it actually teach her a lesson if you say flat out no to her? I think you should say flat out no but explain why and that she needs to get her act together.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 4:46 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • What are you going to do throw the clothes out that yours outgrow? Do it for the kids, they can't help having mom be this way.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:50 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • To older: I agree to an extent but don't you think in a way that's enabling her?? Maybe if the OP stops helping her, she'll stop buying things for herself and cigarettes and realize she needs to put her child first.
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 4:53 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • that would bother me... i just hand my sons clothes down just because never had to be asked... but i never asked my self my husband and i provid for our son.. we live with my parents right now till my husband gets back into to work which will be happening within a week i'm so proud of him... he has been laid off of work for a year and a half and been living off of unemployment to get by and but i am very fourtinet to know that both our parents will welcome us with open arms no matter what... we pay bills but will always put our son's needs first... clothes, food, ect we don't depend on other to take care of our son.. if our son needs it we get it... i could do without new clothes or make up so can my husband.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 4:53 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • There will always be these kinds of people and nothing you, or anyone says to them will matter. They have to want to change. In the meantime she has a helpless child who could benefit from your childs outgrown clothes. I would give them to him, but thats me. I wouldnt look at it as doing her a favor since she isnt the one wearing them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:20 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • i totally get what your saying shes def an irresponsible parent but by not giving to him your hurting him not her
    momofalltrades

    Answer by momofalltrades at 8:54 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I gave up a lot and sometimes even having new clothes or a car so they could always have but being a single parent for 10 years and feeling like one in a relationship I realize having designer clothes when your kids don't have the basics is a waste. one bag or everyone gets clothes for me its everyone. Some people don't care. I would say give her nothing but if she acts the way some of my relatives and people I know do you might be the only reason he has clothes.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:12 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Gena, this kind of person does not stop being this way, I am not saying give her money and such but passed down clothes for those kids who would not otherwise have any, why not? Yes you are enabling her, but this kind of person will find someone else to enable her and in the meantime the kids do without.
    older

    Answer by older at 5:12 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

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