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2 Bumps

still being told what to do....

I am 23 years old, I have been a wife, mother and home owner since I was 18. I live everyday as an adult, I have adult responsibilities, I have adult fun..... BUT my parents still tell me what to do...

I am very close with them ( and the rest of my family) I talk to them everyday and usually see them almost every day .... and honestly being " told what to do" doesnt bother me that much on a regular basis ( it isnt like they try and ground me or give me chores or things like that.... but I guess more of an advice type thing -- like if I say I want to do something, they gie me their opinion of why I shouldnt lol ) ....... Anyways usually it doesnt bother me becuase I agree with them or I just ignore them, but now it has gotten bad.

My dad especially will not leave me alone about certain things like going to church .... he started going to church a few months ago, and now he is very church oriented, basically obsessed and he thinks I need to be that way too... I have gone to his church several times and I just dont like it , I believe in God, but they are very judgemental ( and so is he) and i just dont like going.....

Second, he constantly tells us we need to move to a different city ( we are planning on moving to a bigger house here in this town) but because he doesnt like this town ( we have a very crappy mayor) ... and since we are looking for a house I am always looking at houses or talking about houses ( I am excited ) ... and he wont even let me say something about this town without getting a lecture about how we are NOT staying in this town....

last of all is Facebook...... I understand alot of people have drama problems with facebook... but I do not, I have pretty much every person I went to elementary school with , old friends, distant family members, etc... I like it because all of those people can see my kids grow, and we can keep up with each .... I have never had a problem with "drama" ..... but because he sees and hears stuff about facebook, he thinks EVERYONE can instantly read our deepest darkest secrets or something.... and again if I even say something like " I seen my old friends newest baby's pictures on Facebook" I get a lecture of how facebook is evil ...


SO my question is, how can I make them understnad I AM an adult, but without hurting our relationship even more...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (11)
  • They are never going to stop telling you what to do, simple as that! And it's b/c they care and can't turn of their parenting switch.
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 7:42 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I know and I dont even care about ti stopping all together , but just the lectures about church and where to live in driving me crazy
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:46 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I know! trust me. I hope someone has better advice for you than me. I'm 27 and was divorced, mvoed back in w/ my mom for about 2 months to save up some money and I was still under a curfew, judgement on everything I did. I just gave up. I hope it gets better for you tho, I really do!
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 7:49 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • good luck if you find out how let me know. unfortunatly me and my family went to visit my parents for the holidays and it was the last straw then they came up with a bullshit fight and nearly caused me and my husband a divorce and i still havnet a clue as to why. i have a very good husband, he is a wonderful man a good father and a good provider and wants nothing mor ethan to see me suceed. then on top of everything choose to try to take over and tell me how to parent my children. and i havent spoke to them since we came home. i feel the same way you do but unfortunatly i dont think they will ever change.
    laura970

    Answer by laura970 at 7:49 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I agree with genagina. They probably won't stop, although as you get older, it may get better. My boys are 19, 21 & 28. And, I'm trying very hard not to give unwanted advice, or push advice if they ask for it, but don't agree. Some of it is because we have more experience in some areas, and we see downfalls that we can only see from experience, but some of it is just that we've been your parents from birth & hopefully want only the best for our kids....& since you're a mom, someday you'll be here.

    I will say though, that I think it's okay when your dad gets too pushy about something, like church or maybe moving, to say Dad, I love you, and I know you are only trying to give me your best advice, but I'm an adult now, and sometimes you just have to let me make my own decisions. I may make mistakes, and I hope you'll be there if I do, but maybe I'll make the right decision for my family and myself, love you dad" See what happens
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:50 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • You can't. Either listen and ignore them or stop going around them so much. There is really no point in arguing about it with them all the time
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:55 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • One quick way to let them know that you are a responsible adult is NOT getting involved with their drama. Be kind to your parents, BUT once they start with their criticisms, kindly excuse yourself from the situation. Remember YOU are way too busy as a wife, mother, bread winner to put up with silly crap.
    cerealmom2

    Answer by cerealmom2 at 10:35 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • My hubby and I get Jesus lectures all the time, from my grandparents and from his parents. We're Agnostic/Athiest and they're ALL churchgoers. I personally just blow them off for the sake of not hurting their feelings, I don't tell them that I have absolutely NO intention of stepping into a church any time soon. The best thing you can do is pretend you're listening and then do what you want to do. I'm sure you don't want to hurt them, so humor them, then follow your own ideas. Your parents will never stop, the best thing you can do is just let it roll off your back. They can't force you to do anything, they can only suggest!
    foxy420_1

    Answer by foxy420_1 at 8:35 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I am 39 and my mother still "tells" me what to do. When I discussed home schooling she would say "you can't do that". If I comment on doing this or that she'll tell me I shouldn't. lol. I don't think it ends! She even calls at night to ask me if my children ate supper, brushed their teeth etc! There are times I want to say "no, they're running around the house with scissors at the moment" lol. In your situation of buying a home, when he tells you that you "can't" live in that town, gently tell him that it is a decision for you and dh to make and you will decide where to live. It may bruise his feelings, but I have had to do this when it's something I'm dead set on (like home schooling my children). They may grumble, but you have to take a stand at times (as difficult as it is). GL
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Don't they trust the way they brought you up? If they think your making such horrible decisions tell them they taught you everything you know lol
    proudmama101906

    Answer by proudmama101906 at 3:13 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

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