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no patience

I yell at DS all the time. He runs around in the house; i yell at him. he jumps onto his bed; i yell at him. He "falls" on the floor (he glides on it, but is clumsy so it looks like he falls); i yell at him. he hides in the clothes at the store; i yell at him. etc.

he touches my feet and I yell at him. its like i have NO patience at all to deal with him. and he's just being a normal 5 year old! i KNOW this but i still yell. =( we dont spend any time together, even though we are both free 75% of the week. (i'm in school less than 18 hours a week-- he wasnt old enough to start school yet) we dont eat at the dinner table b/c i get frustrated when he wants to take so long.. same with baths/showers- i dont stay in the bathroom with him b/c he wants to stay in there for "so long" (over 5 minutes-- isnt that long, but too long for me)

how do i get more patience with him?! we're trapped inside all day (he refuses to wear a jacket outside and there's 5 inches of snow, about 40 degrees)- so its like no wonder why he's so riled up... but it doesnt make MY frustrations out on him any less.

what do i do?! =(

ETA: what kind of help? I only get enough CS to pay for childcare for when i'm in class; those 18 hours.. and even then, i run outta the CS money so i gotta take him with me to class!

the thing is- it wasnt like this, even less than a year ago! i had SO much patience. i never yelled- never even had a mean tone! i just have no idea whats going on.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (14)
  • You need to get help. Help with the child so that you have a break and counseling help.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:31 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • maybe try watching a movie or playing a board game with him or even just carssomething to keep him occupied anything that he likes to do i hope you have a better night
    momofalltrades

    Answer by momofalltrades at 8:32 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Tone things down a little. Try coloring, making puzzles, reading, play doh with him. When you need him toburn engery try dancing around the house, i would make him get dressed to go outside to play. You need to spend time doing things with him, you both will benefit from it.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 8:33 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • You sound a bit stressed out there mama. Do you ever get a break? (I can get that way for a day or 2, but it's directed at everybody b/c I have terrible pms.) If it's not just raging hormones, you need to figure out a way to get regular breaks. Then after you've recharged you should be able to cope w/ a rowdy 5 y/o boy. Get out his baby book. Reflect on those precious meomories that made you fall in love w/your child. Just smile at him more. Just by smiling, you will help your mood. And if he smiles back, well, what better sight is that? If that's not enough, maybe some parenting counseling to get tips on how to better manage your stress. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:37 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Sound like maybe he could be bored... try to get out more... play date the lib, movies activities... and remember that they are only young once there are going to be days when you will miss this
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 8:38 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Two things came to mind while reading your post - you're son has a lot of energy (as most 5 year olds do) and that you are really, really stressed. Are you getting enough sleep?? When my big kids were little I had a tendency to stay up very late after everyone was asleep because it was QUIET and I could do what I wanted. Unfortunately I was very cranky and short-tempered the next day. Not a good cycle. Can you get to the library for some storytime? How about switching playdates with some other kids his age?
    MeggieSwan

    Answer by MeggieSwan at 8:47 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • No child will refuse to wear a jacket outside, no matter what the weather, if wearing one is about his own comfort instead of complying with is controlling mother. Why is it about complying? Do you seriously think he's too stunned or too stupid to put on a coat if he's uncomfortable? Or do you not know that some people don't find that temperature particularly cold, especially if they're moving around a lot?

    Where did you get a hold of the idea that you are in control of anyone but yourself?

    When you believe that what he does, what people think of what he does, what he wants to do and how he does things is About You... you create your own frustration. Because you get tangled up in the bizarre idea that not only *should* you control him, but it's even possible.

    It is not possible.

    Get a copy of Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and really think about it. You'll see where you're going wrong.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 8:58 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Momma... you sound like YOU are stressed and he's bored and looking for your attention. See if there's anyway YOU can get some YOU time .... friends whatever. And also make some special "baby and mommy" time. Some cuddeling time.
    Been there... oh boy have I been there... Get some more rest, some me time.... I know you love your son.
    Oh and the jacket.... how about letting him go out and get cold... he'll prob run right back in to get his jacket.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 9:15 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I am so sorry for what you must be going through. It cannot be easy to admit you need help, but reaching out is always a good thing. Take the steps to do something now, don't let this continue. You need to spend time with your son. Playing board games, or reading books, to taking walks together. He needs your attention. You cannot control his every move, so ease up a bit. This is his time to be a kid, so let him enjoy it. Time is something you can never get back,and these are the times to cherish. If you feel a need to yell, try and calm yourself first. Walk away if you have to. Yelling all the time is never the answer. Since he is trapped inside all day, maybe try getting him involved in sports. If you are stressed you need to find a way to cope. I hope and pray things get better, your son is a blessing so take the steps needed to make this better.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 9:23 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I agree with a lot that has already been said about relaxing and easing up a bit. Also take the time to get a doctor's checkup and explain everything. The fact that you describe this as a dramatic change for you warrants asking some questions. You might have some sort of problem that can easily be taken care of. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 11:12 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

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