Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How did you deal?

How in the world did you deal with the death of a person that was close to you? Someone close to me died nearly 6 months ago and I'm feeling the pain right now moreso than I did 6 months ago. How did you deal? This suuuuuckks and I just want that person to be back here in person again.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Jan. 8, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (15)
  • Let yourself grieve as much as you need to and in whatever way you need to. It's cliche for sure, but as time goes by, the pain won't go away, but it will gently fade.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:21 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • What you are doing now. I talked about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I let myself feel the loss and the pain of the losss whenever it over took me. I didn't fight it. I gave myself time to remember the times I had with that person, and how much they influenced my life in positive ways. I try to remember them in all the things I do on a daily basis.
    Give yourself time and permission to cry and grieve for HOWEVER long you need too.

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 9:28 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • I'm positive that it never goes away, only becomes easier to deal with everyday. That may not seem helpful, but honestly nothing anyone can say is going to make it better. My losses were 13, 5, and 2 years ago. I've also had 6 miscarriages and 2 of them were late-term. Life simply goes on and the nagging ache will become sharp rememberances that are easier to breathe through as you allow yourself the memories and the smiles, and the sadness too.

    Answer by misses_nick at 9:39 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Let yourself cry and get it all out. Try and remember the good times, and cherish those memories. Prayer always helps. Find peace in knowing that this person may be gone but lives within your heart forever. Just always remember you were blessed to have had this person be a part of your life.

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 9:49 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Try to remember that this person is still WITH you, even if you don't have the ability to see or hear them. My mother died two and a half years ago. For almost a year I was gob-smacked, kind of dazed. Now her spirit visits me often, leaving me angel pennies and inspiring me to make butter cookies or blonde brownies. The spirit of a deceased person travels easily between this world and the next. They leave clues to their presence, like coins on the ground, or a light flickering mysteriously, or the t.v. shutting off or showing snow, and so on. My father fills my nose with his awful cigarettes, but I have no doubt that it's him. My friend Joyce sends butterflies--her favorite creature. Sit still and you may feel a hand on your shoulder or a special scent that identifies your friend. The separation is hard, but it is something you get used to. Give it time.

    Answer by witchqueen at 11:21 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • My son died Sept 10, 2008. He was 22 years old. He had End-Stage Renal Disease (diagnosed at 17). You just have to find what helps you get through. If you are religious, prayer may help. Maybe counseling or just talking to a good friend. Write your feelings down.

    About a week or two after my son died, I sat down and wrote him a letter ... 6 pages ... sealed it up and placed it in front of his urn. It was like a huge weight was gone. 

    My sincere sympathies. I hope you find a way to get through your grief. Remember the good and the bad times. Also know that getting mad at the person who died is OKAY!! It's natural and very very normal!! It's one of the stages of grief. Virtual hugs to you. 


    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:29 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • The simple answer is acceptance.  The journey to get there is long and painful but the best way is to deal with it head on.   Purge the pain, don't bottle it up.

    Google the stages of grief.  I found it helpful when my father died.

    I'm sorry for your loss.


    Answer by beeky at 11:46 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • i just recently lost my little sister, may 8th, she was 25 and was my best friend, it has been hard and i have been so angry with everyone, well not everyone but almost, and anything can set me off, and to top it off i did my sisters hair which took 4 hours because it was so long and her makeup and painted her finger nails because they were blue for the funeral, i have been so angry and sad and so alone, i feel like i am on a island alone, no one understands me anymore and i dont feel like i am from this planet anymore, i tried bereavment counseling which is free at most hospitals and i loved it but havent been able to be back because i live so far away from it, good luck and i am sorry tohear, some people find there way instantly but others it takes time, take your time and do what feels right

    Answer by emleejanedom at 2:08 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Just take a deep breath and breath sweetie. I know it sounds corny but that person will always be with you. Just remember that you shouldn't bottle up your emotions, if you feel like crying than cry, if you feel angry than that's ok. A lot of emotions come with death and there is no right way to grieve. I lost a close friend 5 years ago to cancer and there are still times when I just feel like crying but then I think he's in a better place watching over me. It will take some time for the pain to go away but trust me it will. Till then just talk to family and friends to help you get through this tough time.

    Answer by Tristan_0824 at 2:14 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.