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What should I do; I have 2 step sons and I don't know what to do with the oldest one who is 7 years old, he dose not listen to me at all, when I talk to him he acts like I never evensaid anything, he yells at me, he argues,with me when I say ANYTHING to him, and I guess my husband dose not realize that he is doing it dose not care. He is pretty much letting him do what he wants to do because he treatens to go live with his mom because his mom lets him do what he wants to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 AM on Jul. 7, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • First thing you need to do is sit hubby down and talk o him letting him know that he needs to start backing you up and helping you to disicpline your boys. He cant go on just letting your 7yr old walk all over you. Then you need to sit your 7 yr old down and talk to him letting him know that you are trying to take his mother place,but you are his mom too and he needs to listen to you, threating you to go live his mom is not going to work. Let him know too that you are for him if he needs to talk about anything, like if he mad about something let him know that by talking out his problems and feelings you and him can have a better relationship and you would have to be mad, sad angry or whatever at each other all the time. but also inform him that you are married to his father too so you are not going anywhere. You his dad and you love him and his brother very much,you just want to be closer as a family and they only to do that is by getting along.
    crzymomof5

    Answer by crzymomof5 at 8:32 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • You need to have a family meeting and let your stepson know that his behavior won't be tolorated and threats won't work and you need to make it clear to your husband that he needs to support you 100%. You are the parent and you need to take control while he is still young.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:06 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Your husband should stand by you and not allow this to happen! I, too, have a stepson and I am fortunate that my dh stands by me. I would have a family meeting also and lay down some ground rules. My stepson lives with us and knows going to live with his mother is not an option. We have talked to consuelors about this and one of the things, told to me, was to spend time with your son alone. Attention is one of the things they need and if they can't get good attention, bad attention is better than nothing. Good luck to you.
    Alamama

    Answer by Alamama at 9:32 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Well, I hope his mom doesn't really let him do what he wants to do. Lay down the rules to him and ask your husband to be there. Even better if hubby does it. Let him know while he is in your house, you will decide what he can and can't do. It may be different, but you will be consistent so he knows what your house is going to be like while he is there. Let him also no the consequences for his rule breaking (no t.v., computer, whatever). I would give him praise whenever you are thinking he is doing a good job. Do something special with him now and when you have had a good week so he knows you appreciate his effort and you enjoy spending time with a well behaved seven year old. Be kind and firm because he is still impressionable at this age. If Dad sabotages you, focus on that as your number one problem. I wouldn't be able to handle that for a moment and I would let him know it too.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 11:31 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • I agree with the others - start with a family meeting. Remind your husband that kids need parents. If he tiptoes around the boys, afraid that they will prefer mom because she lets them do anything they want, he will raise spoiled adults, not men. Also remind him that children LOVE to play one parent off of the other and that their mom probably doesn't let them do anything they want either.
    If the family meeting doesn't work or your husband still refuses to be a parent instead of a best friend, try family counseling.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 1:26 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Sounds like you need to call "The Nanny". I hope you seek professional help. You are caught in the middle and will be blamed for everything. Seek help.
    Bevner

    Answer by Bevner at 2:37 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

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