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Court ordered visitation?

Ok. So my daughters father has a court ordered visitaition oder and never follows it. I ususally take her to him on the days he is suppose to have her. He is suppose to have her on mondays and wednesday and every other weekend. Well with the exception of maybe 2 wks he picked her up from school as ordered on monday and wednesday and after that he had not made any of the visits. I have taken my daughter to his moms house when I work weekendds and sometimes he comes over for a little but the mom ends up watching her. Over the winter break he was "too busy" and couldnt watch her so U had to send her to emergency daycare. (she is 3 by the way) Well the last time that he was watching her at his mothers house he refused to let me in and would not give my daughter to me when I went to pick her up./ He is so violent towrds me that it makes my daughter scared and she does notwant to go to his house. Well today I didnt take her to his house which is ordered, but she does not want to go and I dont want to go because there is going to drama and violenece and he may not open the door to give her to me. So now he is content in calling the cops to have a warrant out for me. Can I really be arrested If I didnt followi it for one day when he has failed to follow it for many days?

I tell him that she will be taken to foster care if I was truly arrested and he doesnt care.. He only wants to follow visitaion order when he is mad and . What should I do. Cops have been telling me to get a restraining order against him but I have not done so. He will go to court tomorrow morning to file something against me and I really dont know what to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Jan. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Sadly, if you have a court ordered visitation you have to follow it. I have a friend who had to come up with a public location for her and her EX to meet because there was to much drama when they dropped her son off at her Ex's house. After a year of doing that and her son seeing a therapist they went back to court and her son no longer had to go with his father. He was 9 at the time and while the law in our stat is that a child has to be 12 before they can make decisions because of how upset her son would get the court decided it was in his best interest not to go with his father any more.

    I think if he is really violent then you need to go back to court and see what you can do. You don't want your DD to have all this stress, although you also don't want to get arrested or in trouble because you aren't following the court order.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:58 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Document these events. Also the times you are paying for emergency daycare because he didn't show up, save the receipts. Keep any phone recordings you have of him, video tape (discreetly) any confrontations you have to have with him. I don't know how old your daughter is but if she can speak, her statements matter too. I would not violate the court order yourself follow the rules and he will burn himself. Get a restraining order like the cops suggested, but first contact a lawyer to find out what is legal in your state, Good luck!

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:59 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Regardless of what he does, you could be found in contempt (withholding visitation) by not following the court order if he takes the issue to court. What you need to do is document everything; when he takes her, when he doesn't (it doesn't matter if she is at his moms, btw). The courts are not going to force him to take his visitation, but you can show a precedent and potentially get his court ordered visitation time reduced. If he acts violent toward you, call the police. After you have some documentation, speak with an attorney and see what can be done. You may even be able to get supervised visitation if you have proof that he is violent.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:59 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Take the officer's advice & look into filing a restraining order on him. I would call your local Bar Assoc. to get a referral for a free or low cost consult w/ an atty. to discuss protecting you & your dau, changing the currently visitation sched., and the place for pick-up/drop off if he still gets to see her. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:59 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You need to do several things. 1) Do what the cops said - GET THE RESTRAINING ORDER! It is NOT good for you or your dd for him to be doing this, and one of these days, he's going to end up hurting you, and quite possibly he's going to do it in front of your dd. 2) Document EVERYTHING - every visit that he's not there for, every drop off time, every pick up time, every time he refuses to let you have your dd at the end of the visit, every time you have to take her to her grandmother's because he's not home - document it ALL. If possible, have a witness.

    I think this is the best way you're going to be able to get you and your dd out of this bad situation. It sounds like he doesn't see your dd as a child, but as a pawn to be used against you.

    good luck to you!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:59 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • These ladies are right. But in all reality you could get in trouble w/ the law, from keeping his child, by court order, from him. If he is having any kind of violence towards you, you should file for a restraining order, that will also go towards your child, atleast where I live it does. Second, sailor is 100% correct, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT and DOCUMENT! It will be your most prized possession in court!!!! And also, when you take your child there, and he does not open the door to let u have her, CALL THE COPS, don't put up a fight, dont knock on the door a million times, dont do nething but call the cops, SHOW HIM WHOSE BOSS WOMAN! =)

    Goodluck mama
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 9:42 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You could be found in contempt but you will not be arrested. It depends on your judge as to what will happen. I have to ask though, why do you drop her off. I would just tell the judge that her dad needs to come pick her up for visitation if he wants to have her.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 3:32 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • exactly JLS2388 he wanted me to drop her off or wait for him to travel an hr to get there and I have to go to work. I am not going to risk being fired waiting for him to leave his house at the last minute.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:36 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • unfortunateely you canbe in trouble for this.. And if he wants to be a dick excuse my language and continues to fail at his vistations you can go to court and file abadonment in which his rights will be taken. We can all be selfish at times but a mother should never fear that a child will be left with a violent person its frightful.. He needs to grow up and stop trying to use the child to munipulate you.
    Destins_Mommy

    Answer by Destins_Mommy at 1:04 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • if he is ordered to p/u daughter then just cause you do him a favor sometimes doesnt make it your responsibility to cont. taking her to him Unless that was part of the court order, that part wasnt clear to me-Sounds like you simply take her so you can work
    If he has court ordered days and you are Not ordered to take her to him THEN it is his responsibility to pick her up and drop her off and you cannt get into trouble for not taking her.
    and as above says...Document, Document,......... get R.O. against him for violence and get him on endangering a minor and/or neglect to protect whichever applies beause he does this in front of the child, get copies of your calls to cops to take proof to court with you.
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 7:44 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

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