Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Why is it so hard to be a mom?

When I was pregnant, I never imaged that being a mom would be so difficult. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it would be such an under appreciated nightmare. My In laws constantly comment about me, my weight, my parenting, and my breastfeeding issues. In any conversation my family makes me feel like a bad parent because I am either doing to much for my daughter or not enough. What's worse is my husband inability to be their for me emotionally because of his projects, work and friends. We moved to the OC (far away from my friends and family) have a strong support system from his "functional" family. It doesn't help that I don't have any friends. Every time I feel good about myself or happy with my daughter, someone has to ruin it with their comments or complaints. Don't they understand that I am doing the best that I can? I can't catch a break or even get some time to myself because of all their hounding. So I ask you ladies, what do I do? Why does it have to be so hard?

Answer Question
 
tdbaas

Asked by tdbaas at 9:34 AM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (185 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • First I thnk you need to take a deep breath and not worry about what everyone else thinks, Second I think you need to consider talking to a therapist, if you don't have friends that you can vent to. It sounds like you are very depressed and there might be more going on than just you being a bad mom. You are proably a good mom that just lets things bother you.

    Try and make a list of all the good things in your life and don't worry so much about what other people say. Someone is always going to say something you just have to learn how to deal with that. As long as your DD is happy healthy and loved you are okay and now you need to make yourself happy.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Tell them straight out that you are doing the best you can. Show them that your children are happy and doing well (which I assume is the case). Look up moms' groups, book clubs, movie clubs, etc at www.meetup.com and see if you can develop a few new friendships. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:41 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • YOU are right it is the hardest job in the world and goes 24/7. To as the fam I would get very mad with the comments, they need to stay out of your home life. I would just come out and say to them if you have nothing nice to say then please say nothing. That is short and simple. I think when they were raising there own they forget. "HUGS"
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 9:46 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You need to completely forget everything else. Whatever they say it doesn't matter, or that matters is that you are doing the best you possibly can. Yes, motherhood is hard but it's also the MOST enjoyable experience you could ever have so just tell people that it's your life and your daughter and you will raise her how you feel is best. Then relax and enjoy!
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 9:46 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Because nothing worth while is ever easy!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:56 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I am so sorry for what you must be going through. Please don't allow anyone's comments to make you feel less about your parenting. If you know in your heart you are doing the best you can, then that is all that matters. Relax, and enjoy being a parent. Focus on your daughter and think of the positives in your life. Allowing comments, or negativity into your life never helps. If you need friends we are all here for you. Just take one day at a time. Being a parent is such a blessing, so don't allow others to take that from you. Stay strong, things will get better.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 10:06 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Parenting isn't hard. In your situation it's not parenting that's hard it's the pressure you get from everyone else that is hard. You're not standing up yourself and saying "This is my child and my family. I have the right to do whatever I feel is best for them, and if you don't agree then raise your children differently." You are ALLOWING them to bring you down, you are ALLOWING them to make you feel inferior, and you are ALLOWING them to make your life harder. You don't have to give their words any credit, but you choose to. Maybe it's through insecurities that you have or because you think maybe they're right. Either way, you have to stand up and say "This is what is right for my family and that's what I'm going to do."

    Now, maybe you need to talk to your DH about moving closer to your family. If your DH isn't giving you enough support then you need to speak up. His family should come first.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:06 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • If your DH can't make your family (Being you and your kids) a priority, then he needs to figure out if he really wants to be apart of your lives. You both need to stand up together, not individually. You're a family. His family has nothing to do with how you raise your children, how you clean your house, how you maintain your car, or anything for that matter. Sure, they're going to give their opinions, believe me everyone has an opinion on someone else's life. However, you need to decide for yourself what is right for you and your family. If it goes against or with what they say who cares... It should be what is right for you and your family. Period.

    Take a stand in your life. Stand up for yourself. Make the choices for yourself. Don't worry about whatever they think. They don't make the choices and shouldn't have any sway in how easy your life is.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:09 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You poor thing. It sounds like you are depressed. Please ask your family doctor for a referral to a therapist.

    In the meantime, go to the park, or where ever moms and tots gather in your area.

    Good luck!
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:36 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • First off its not good to be around negative people, you will never be in a good mood. I think you should stay away from them and maybe go to a therapist until you can learn how to have a positive attitude and find some good supporting friends
    Momabear455

    Answer by Momabear455 at 4:09 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.