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2 Bumps

bio dad (aka sperm donor) question

Ok, so when I was 17 I got pregnant by a 23 yr old man. I left him when I was 3 months pregnant because he would not stop smoking pot in the house and he had anger issues. fast forward, baby is now 8 months old, he wants to see baby and has since the birth. I finally give in and we meet. He falls in love with the baby and again with me. We decide to try to work things out, I get pregnant again. I leave again at 7 months pregnant because he is still smoking pot, in the house with his son and pregnant wife, he is still a very angry person. 1 years later (no child support was ever paid by this man) my new husband wants to adopt the boys. he was at the birth of baby 2. bio dad had never met baby 2. We threaten to sue him for all back child support if he didn't relinquish his rights, so he does. Husband adopts them. Fast forward 1 year, husband and I split up, he takes both boys to see their bio dad for 20 min. Not really a big deal, i oked it. Fast forward 2 years, sons are now 3 and 5. I meet and fall in love with hubby now for 11 years. He adopts boys from other hubby, we are big happy family and I have 3 more kids with him. Fast forward again to yesterday. I get a message on Facebook from bio dad asking if he can please see his boys. His boys? Ummm, not his, hasnt been his for 12 years. Ok, so I talk with him trying to catch up. He has never married, never had more kids, been waiting for me and the boys to come back (creepy). We live in TX, he lives in UT. he wants to fly to TX to see boys, with me and hubby with them all the time. Should I?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (20)
  • If I was in your situation I would make him get the visit court ordered.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 10:32 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I don't think I would want him to see the boys, but if your boys are big enough to understand who he is, I think you should ask them.

    I don't like that my S/O wants to see his bio dad all the time (he was horrible to his mom and left when S/O was one) but it IS his choice as his son.
    littlevee

    Answer by littlevee at 10:33 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would ask your kids what they wanted, they are old enough now if they want to see their bio dad i would let them if not then i would just tell bio dad that the boys dont want to meet with him.
    L0vingMy3Girls

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 10:34 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Does yourchildren know that the man you're with now is not there biological dad? Every child deserves to know and have a relationship w/ there ''real'' parent, regardless if that parents deserves it or not. I say go for it, speaking from someone who doesn't know there father, and i wish i could meet him!!!!! BUT if ur children think that ur hubby now, is there dad, u must break that news first.
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 10:34 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would let it be up to your kids, not you or the biological father. He gave up his rights, your current husband adopted him, in the eyes of the law your current husband IS the biological father....and the real bio dad has no claim or rights whatsoever. However, again leave it up to your boys, perhaps they would like to meet him. But if he's been creepy in waiting for you and the kids to return it doesn't sound like much has changed and I would be very cautious!
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 10:36 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • yes, both boys have always known that this guy was their bio dad and that my hubby now has adopted them. We have never hid any of this from them. They are now 16 and almost 15. I have talked to them and they want to at least meet him, that way they dont have what if feelings. They said to make sure bio dad knows that he is not their dad and never will be their dad. The man that has raised them for the past 11 years is their dad.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:38 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • No, I wouldn't. You have moved on, so should he.
    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 10:39 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I will be extremely cautious in the meeting. I am thinking the mall or something where there are LOTS of people around. Me, my hubby, and my 3 other kids will all be there at the meeting. I may see if my Mom in Law and Brothers in Law can be there too.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:39 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • it is totally up to you. If it where me I would talk with the boys, they are old enough to understand what is going on. My oldest son's biofather was never in his life, gave up his rights so my DH could adopt him and when I told my son about his dad he had lots of questions, although he didn't want to see him. Since his biofather has no rights to him, I have let me son decide if he wants to see his biofather. My son knows who his biofather is and he still doesn't want to meet with him. I think your kids are old enough it make decisions and you should be able to talk to them about this.

    If they don't want to meet with him then I would let him know that right now they are not ready to see him and maybe in the future. You never know what kids are going to choose.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:39 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • yes, both boys have always known that this guy was their bio dad and that my hubby now has adopted them. We have never hid any of this from them. They are now 16 and almost 15. I have talked to them and they want to at least meet him, that way they dont have what if feelings. They said to make sure bio dad knows that he is not their dad and never will be their dad. The man that has raised them for the past 11 years is their dad.
    ______________
    Then go ahead. It seems like the boys have their heads on straight.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:41 AM on Jan. 9, 2011

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