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How can I reassure my parents about surrogating for my friend?

one of my best friends is unable to have a baby, and in conversation one day we came up with the idea of me being a surrogate for her. but my mom and dad are completely against it and believe that its their flesh and blood that i'm handing away to someone else. how can i get them to understand and be ok with it.

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babymomma101110

Asked by babymomma101110 at 1:16 PM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 7 (163 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • They may never understand... It is a wonderful thing you are willing to do for your friend. Just keep it simple and make clear your goal: To help your friend have a baby of her own. It's not 'your' baby you are having it is hers. Her genes(I assume you won't be using your eggs) You are being a vessel not a mother for this baby.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 1:18 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Have you really thought about this? I think it's a wonderful idea, but you have to really make sure you want this. I don't think I could have the will power to carry a child for 9 months, and ''give it away'' (sorry, i dont know how else to put it) If you have made up your mind, props to you, it's wonderful, and you're giving someone else the gift of life!!! Talk to your parents, and reassure them that this is what you want, and explain to them there situation, but in all reality, it's your body and your life....
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 1:20 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • i think it's wonderful that you're helping your friend! have you tried explaining to them that you are not using your eggs, that your friends' egg and her husband's sperm will be what you are holding, so therefore they won't have any traits from your family whatsoever? if so, they may never understand. just do what you want to do. make sure you are COMPLETELY ready to do this though. you could look at this now and think "no big deal" but [i'm assuming] you don't realize that there is an emotional attatchment to a child you are carrying. you could be an emotional wreck when you have to give the baby to someone, especially if you both have different parenting skills. you are going to do this, constantly remind yourself over and over again throughout the pregnancy that this is not your child, that you are merily just being a vessel and helping your friends out. GL!
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 1:27 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I agree with butmommie, Try and explain that your friends oven is broken and she is borrowing yours for 40 weeks.
    mslksdh

    Answer by mslksdh at 1:27 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I don't think its as easy as some people think, regaurdless of it being her egg, or your egg the baby is in your body for nine months, using your blood to surive, I would love to say I would help a women like that. because the gift of a child is somthing so amazing everyone who wants to do that with there life, deserves it-
    I just know I wouldn't be able to hand over a child I carried, and felt, and loved enough to keep safe for 9 months. be sure this is what you want to do mama, because it could ruin a family and friendship and child in the process if feelings get in the way.
    as far as explaining it to your parents, they have the right to feel how they will, I'm sure they will be hurt, and it will be hard for them too- but you have to be willing to hurt them, and take the greif if its somthing you truly want to do. I suggest finding someone who surragated VIA web, or though your doctor and speak with them, and maybe ask CO
    JnCV

    Answer by JnCV at 1:29 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • her to speak with your parents as well-
    Also I suggest and I think its the law, to have some intense therapy sessions to make sure your mentally able to do somthing this selfless- invite your family in.
    Unless you plan on useing your egg, and her husbands sperm there is, (that I know of) no way to go through with this without going through a proper physc evaul.
    JnCV

    Answer by JnCV at 1:30 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Just reassure them the best you can. It's a great thing to do this. A word of caution that perhaps you should talk to a lawyer and make sure all scenarios are considered. You should be able to call a few and ask if they give a first time complimentary consultation. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:32 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • my dad also thinks that i can lose my son over this, or if they change their mind they can stick me with the baby, they have been trying for a long time and it's just not in my friends abilities. she is the godmother of my son, and she does so well with him. i know that she'll be a good mom, but my dad threw every excuse in the book of why not to and tried to even make things up. he even went as far as telling me they could adopt because adopting is free all you have to do is be approved by CPS
    babymomma101110

    Comment by babymomma101110 (original poster) at 1:35 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You can try talking with your parents and having your friend involved in the conversation, maybe hearing the two of you talk about it together will pull at their heartstrings and they will see what a wonderful and selfless thing their daughter is willing to do for another human being. They may never full understand or accept it but that's the wonders of being an adult and on your own, you don't really need their approval, it may be hard to go against their word but if you are 100% set on doing this then it shouldn't matter what they feel and once they see the joy that baby brings to your friend, I think it will all be okay. I do agree with some of the others however that you need to make sure you are ready emotionally for this...you will go through the pregnancy knowing that it's not your baby but it will be living inside of you as your children have and you will give birth to him/her...do you think you are ready to do that
    menko21

    Answer by menko21 at 1:38 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • and then just hand the baby over to your friend to raise? It's something you should put a lot of thought into. And as far as losing your son, no you cannot. That's not grounds for getting a child taken from you. I'm pretty sure that it's a lot more stable of a situation given that you actually know the women you are doing this for so I doubt you have to worry about her changing her mind...sounds like she has exhausted every possible option and nothing has worked. And about adoption...well explain to your dad that this is the last chance for her to have a child that is actual blood related to her...that's sometimes a big factor for people...yes you can adopt but she might just want the chance to have her own child made with her dna and if it has to be carried by someone else, her best friend, i see no problem with that!
    menko21

    Answer by menko21 at 1:41 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

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