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can anyone help

i love my husband and would do anything to save our marriage i made a mistake and cheated and tryed to make up for it it wasnt panned he filed for a divorce but says hes not sure what he wants i hurt him and doesnt know if he can love again but we still spend time together our teenage son i feel is stopping us from getting back together he still has feelings and cares for me what do i do to save my 16 yr marriage

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ladiebo

Asked by ladiebo at 6:03 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • should have thought about it earlier.

    sorry, really dont feel comfy with bashing you. but you cheated on him, after 16yrs on marriage... i couldnt forgive you. if he wants a divorce.. right on! hes doing the right thing. you dont deserve better :-/

    and your son stopping you guys from being back together?! sounds kind of weird. your mistake has nothing to do with your son. you did a mistake, a really bad one.. now you have to live with the consequenzes (sorry if its spelled wrong!)

    sorry, but i hate cheating.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 7:13 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Although I don't condone cheating, if both of you are willing, I would say counceling (sp?).
    proudmama4

    Answer by proudmama4 at 7:47 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • m.robertson:  I couldn't have said it better myself! 


    I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for you. 

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 8:06 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Me neither. You spend 16 years building a life with someone. And then a few minutes of your stupidity screws all of that up.

    I hope he does divorce you. He is the one who deserves better and to find someone who will not betray him.
    MeeShee

    Answer by MeeShee at 8:24 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I hope the nasties never have to face a situation like this in their own lives and if so I hope they remember what they said to you. There is a big difference between sympathy and empathy and a person mature enough to ask a question deserves a mature answer. Must be nice to be perfect.

    If he is willing then I suggest couseling. Obviously there were issues before you cheated or you wouldn't have. Marriages don't just end. I also suggest that you stop using your son as a scapegoat. He has nothing to do with you and DH. Maybe counseling for him as well. You straying has shaken his foundation as surely as DH's.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • ok first there are alot of perfect people on here it seems lol , it is horrible for the whole family and it takes healing to get threw it , i would ask if you go to church at all , not saying anything bad if you dont , but well see i never cheated but almost did and my husband did not leave me he forgave me he hurt real bad over it and so did i ,so i know how you feel , i was talking to an ex who told me he just wanted to be freinds but really did not and before i know it had me in the middle of planning an affair it was real close but my husband told me this
    almts915

    Answer by almts915 at 8:49 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Im Sorry but I have a hard time sympathizing with someone who cheats. I have been in a rocky road marriage for 22 years and he has cheated more than once, I try and rebuild and forget but you dont. It eats at you day in and day and you just wait for the next time. You dont go into marriage and say "when the going gets tough I go elsewhere" no its for better or worse. If you feel the need to cheat, LEAVE! I feel his pain and I dont believe divorce is always the answer but you made the bed so now you have to lay in it. No one deserves to be cheated on!!!!!!!!
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 8:53 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • cont... when i asked why he forgave me when most man would not he said cause of the lords prayer i said what , he said the lords prayer said ( forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive others) than he said Jesus will not hear your prayers or forgive you if you have any unforgivness on your heart so not just for me and our kids but for his own soul he had to forgive and work threw it , he said this dont mean he would not leave if i ever did anything like it again , so my answer is that but remeber you cannot understand his pain and you have to be patietent and pray
    almts915

    Answer by almts915 at 8:56 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Well anon at least the "nasties" have the guts to put their names up!


    I've been married for 20 years and infidelity has never been an issue in my marriage.  Cheating is a conscience decision of betrayal.  If you have problems in your marriage then you work it out or you leave, you don't cheat!  The really sad thing is that it is the children who suffer the most!

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:29 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Hear me out..... Kind David in the Bible had an affair with Bathsheba...In his heart he knew he did wrong and repented Psalms:51 tells you his heart's prayer to his God. However,he did end up with Bathsheba.. God knows the heart...I am not telling you to pray Psalms 51....But it can't hurt either.
    I really do not know were you are with God......But I do know HE can do the impossible with peoples lives if they trust him to do it.....
    getyoung

    Answer by getyoung at 11:20 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

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