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3 Bumps

Am I do the right thing?

Okay my husband claimed he had a vasectomy. But he's telling the rest of his family that he didn't, that he couldn't go through with it. I'm the only one he tells a different story too. When I asked him about it, he says he's health isn't he's family business so that's why he told them that. BUT he tells he's family EVERYTHING, even things about his health. So now I'm unsure. I don't want to be tricked into having a third baby.
We settled on 2 kids and now we have two kids but he changed his mind but I wont. I can't mentally or physically handle another child. I'm the primary care giver. Should I just get a tubal ligation? We've been having martial problems but we can't work on them until he gets back from deployment but I'm sticking to my guns about only 2 kids. My last pregnancy and delivery were really hard on me and took me almost 6 months to physically recover after birth. I don't know what to do at this point. He tells me one thing and tells everyone something else. My question is would it be wrong just to do a tubal ligation while he's deployed?

 
mommy_of_two388

Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 3:13 PM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • I would tell him since hes not being honest and you are unsure whether hes really had one or not, that you are going to get a tubal done.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 3:16 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would tell him you want to see the invoice from the procedure. Let him know you are worried about him giving two different stories. If he would like to have sex with you without a condom he better produce that invoice or shoot in a cup for reassurance.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:17 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Well, if he really had a vasectomy, he shouldn't care if you have a tubal ligation. After all, either way you won't get pregnant.

    Whether you have your tubes tied or not, I would use some other form of birth control if you don't want a baby just to be sure. He is also supposed to go for a recheck several months or a year after a vasectomy to make sure no sperm is getting through. I would make an appointment for him, and insist on going with him. As his wife, you have a right to no for sure. This affects the rest of your life as well.

    I feel the same way about women who trick men into having babies. It's just plain wrong either way. A child is a life altering decision.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:21 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • if you know that you dont want anyore children a tubal would be MY choice, actually as soon as i get insurance again it is my choice!
    JOR_HAIL

    Answer by JOR_HAIL at 3:15 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • What kind of relationship is it when the husband won't be upfront about something so major as a vasectomy? Sounds like you two are definitely NOT on the same page in your marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • If that's the case I guess I would do it...
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:23 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Wait until your husband returns and have a long discussion as to how you feel and where you stand. It would be a difficult situation to be pregnant again after you have already decided you don't want anymore children. Stick to your guns. Only you know what you can and can't handle.
    virgo550

    Answer by virgo550 at 3:26 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • ok, my hubby had one done i didnt have to be informed or sign anything, but i drove him so i know it was done. honestly i would try talking to him the next chance you get, other wise you could always go on the pill (although i know that isnt always an option, i myself take it but because of a conflicting medication it only works for regulating, i still ovulate and everything). it sounds like you guys need to have some major talks and worse case practice other forms of birth control. good luck
    tiffanyv123

    Answer by tiffanyv123 at 4:44 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • EDIT



    Tubal Ligation is my only permanent option. My insurance won't cover the Essure since my doctor wont do it in a hospital. IUD is out to, I have a titled cervix so it cuts into me so I cant use them either.

    mommy_of_two388

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 3:17 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • But_mommie

    He won't be home for months so it can take a while. By the time he comes home he's out on the Navy and we will n o longer have insurance. So its either I take his word on it or do it now. He's in the middle of the ocean so they can do that zero count till he ports in the US which wont be till April

    mommy_of_two388

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 3:19 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

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