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Apparently I missed this in the living as an adult class

How do I just let something go? I was with a guy while seperated from my DH for 6 months. He was bad news, but typical of abusive addictive relationships, the good was incredible. He met his now wife through me. She was my babysitter for a short time. The are both equal to eachother. Trash. Plus she has some serious psychological issues. When she found out that I was pregnant, she immediately announced that she also was expecting. Now I find that they have decided to name their child what my ex-bf and I would have named the child that I lost due to an act of violence on his part. I am now 34 weeks pg with a beautiful baby girl and have a supportive, loving, and incredible man in my DH who I reconciled with. So why is it that what the ex-bf do still bugs me? How do I act as an adult and move on?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:06 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • So what if your ex's girlfriend does this stuff? I'd just ignore her. If she's crossing the line, calling, e-mailing or somehow stalking, i'd tell her to stop or you'll get a restraining order.

    if you are happy with your new man, what difference does it make?

    Answer by pugpin at 7:07 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • The more you let her know that you are bothered by her the more she is going to bother you.. Does that make sense? She is acting like a high school child, you are suppose to be an adult.. Don't stoup to her levels! Soon she will see that you aren't bothered by her and she will move on to the next person. Good luck..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 7:52 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Why do you need to have any contact with this woman or your ex at all. Let all your friends and family know that you never want to hear her name or anything about her life at all. It's as though she no longer exists on the face of the earth. Eventually the power she and your ex bf have over you will fade.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 9:28 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I had that problem for a while too....then I realized that she was going to have to live with the trash that I was smart enough to leave behind.

    Answer by Kimebs at 9:42 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Why would you let a psycological problems babysit your kids? The naming their child the same thing as the one you lost is very cold and insensitive, but does she know that's what you were going to name it or is it possible that was his great idea to hurt you? If you've got no kids with him, why are you still having any type of contact with him or her?
    When anyone mentions their names.... say "not interesting in anything to do with the two of them" before they can get past the first word after you know who they're talking about. This is a man that caused you to lose your baby.... to give him a moments thought is more than he deserves.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:18 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Well the first thing you need to do is stop with the communication and/or spying - however it is that you get your news about them. Think back to how your life was with him... he hurt you so bad when you were pregnant you miscarried, he cheated on you, etc. Is it just not being able to understand how a person could do those things or are you having fantasies about that your life should have been like that... If it's the first, who cares? People are assholes and you can't change them. You can't make anyone love you, treat you right, or be a good person. It's not about you... if you are feeling like you failed in some way, you did not. In fact, count to your success column getting out of an unhealthy relationship. You now have the relationship and family you deserve. You are missing an opportunity to fully appreciate that by being stuck in the past.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:55 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • yeah I agree with the others....get all that out of your life. Once they are not a part of it, then it will eventually become a memory and fade away. Its time to grow up and let it go. You can do it.

    Answer by momofsaee at 12:25 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Try thinking of the couple in a different way. Thank the mama for being a caregiver to your child(ren), either to yourself or to her face. Thank the ex for "the good", for being what you wanted at the time, again either to yourself or to him. Then don't allow them back in your life. It's easier to walk away from your past when you're genuinely grateful for having the experience. It's all about closure. Once you find it, you can put the past in the past - where it belongs.

    Answer by LazyMistake at 2:27 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I live in a small town and unfortunately as a result I hear occasionally about them. Also, I have had to change my profile twice on cafemom because of her stupid stalking. Myspace, cafemom, and freecycle are all web sites that she starts drama on. I have told everyone I know that I am not interested in anything to do with either one of them, and that has worked to a point.
    Also, I had no idea what a head case she was when she was babysitting. She is the reason I got a nanny cam and I fired her about 3 days afterwards. Unfortunately what I saw was her and my bf at the time getting it on on my living room couch. Ew! There are precautions that I have to take so I do not deal with either one of them. One community college in the area and we both attend school, so I don't dawdle before and after class, she changed her OB to mine within 3 weeks so I have to take percautions there to, etc. It really is scary.

    Answer by RiseN_conqueor at 2:51 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • also, as far as the name. I came up with it and he called the baby that whenever he was lovey regarding being a Dad. His parents knew what the name was and so did the now wife. So they are both sick.

    Answer by RiseN_conqueor at 2:53 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

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