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Daughter's boyfriend staying with us?

My 16 yr old has been with her bf for 2 years and he's an 18 yr old college freshman. She has been going to visit him at his college almost every weekend and now that he's going to be home for Thanksgiving she wants him to stay with us and in her room. She is on bc and I know they are sexually active so I'm seriously considering letting them sleep together over the holiday. Has anyone else had this experience and how have you handled it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:06 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (97)
  • Are you fkn nuts? That is not OK as a parent to allow even though you say the are sexually active. Tell him to stay at his parents house or a damn hotel!


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • That would not happen at our house. Under ordinary circumstances, I would say that if he stayed in your home, have it understood that they would not be sleeping together. In this case, I doubt that the stipulation would be honored, so I would just say he will need to stay somewhere else.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:15 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I'm sorry I disagree with anon above. I say let him stay. My parents were always willing to let our friends, and even our boyfriends stay with us. Usually not in our bedrooms, but if your daughter has been honest enough with you to tell you they are sexually active, than why not? Two of my sisters' boyfriends lived with us while I was growing up, and my mom and dad let my now husband spend several nights with me. I think it's great that you have a good relationship with your daughter, and her boyfriend.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 8:15 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • You have been letting her go stay w/ him at his college???? Now you are "thinking" about letting them sleep together while he is visiting for Thanksgiving??? Whats there to think about?? You have already let them know that it is ok.. I'm sorry I don't want to sound rude.. But this question isn't going to come across very well.. You have already answered your own question..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 8:15 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Please don't let any of these other moms make you feel bad today. Look your daughter would be sleeping with her boyfriend with/ or without your consent. It's better for you to know where she is, and what she's doing than to have her go sneaking around behind your back. When I was 16, I started dating my husband who was 24. I would sneak out every night, and back in every morning. My parents had no clue where I was, or who I was with. Eventually it came out, and after much fighting, they agreed to let me see him, but only if he came to the house. Once they got to know him, and knew he wasn't some pervert preying on their daughter, they let us go out, and even let him sleep over on some occasions. We have been married for 8 years now. Trust your instincts, not these other ladies.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 8:33 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • If I were in your shoes, he'd be sleeping on the couch. Point Blank.

    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:41 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • i was a 15 yr old out on my own w/ my man. when i went to my familys house we would stay in seperate beds out of respect for them. now some didnt care we slept in the same bed but still didnt have sex out of respect.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • When I was her age I had a boyfriend and was in the same situation. My mother allowed him to stay at the house, but he could not sleep in my room. There were a couple of reasons for this.

    First I had younger brother and sisters and she did not want them seeing this.

    Second, although she knew I was sexually active she did not believe that she had to allow it under her roof. It was her house and she had rules.

    I was thankful for that. I now know that when I am faced with this issue I will do the same as my mother. I think it is about respect and we respected my mother enough to honor her rules. In the need it is your decision and you have to do what you feel is best for you and your family

    Once I was married I was allowed to sleep in the same room with my husband,

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:52 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I stayed overnight and even went on vacation with my high school boyfriend, which meant sleeping in the same house, so people didn't even bother to tell us not the same room. They knew we'd sneak into the other room anyways. :) Parent's aren't stupid, and you sound like a good one to me. Your daughter trusts you with the information that she is sexually active with him, and you should trust her enough to use her good judgment. I think you should let him stay with her. It'll happen anyways, if he's in the house.

    Answer by Emmy_Dollface at 8:53 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Unmarried couples don't share a bedroom in my home. That's my rule. If my children decide to become sexually active before getting married, I will be disappointed, but help them get birth control and that sort of thing, because I want them to be safe. However, I'm not going to encourage them to have sex, and I won't allow it under my roof.

    The thing that worried me most about your situation is that she's 16 and he's 18. That's illegal. 2 years isn't a big deal for adults, but it's a huge different for teens.

    Answer by degsyuna at 8:56 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

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