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daughter senior in HS has BF who is older.They are seldom apart.I don't wa nt her to look back and say I should have done more things with friends.How do I get her to do things away from him .He has a lot of baggage attached to him he has medical problems among other things. and I want her to be light and have fun.

she has told me that if she had met her boyfriends best friend first she would have gone out with him.He is silly and light .I don't want her to feel stuck. I know they love each other but I can see a lot of sadness and disappoint in my daughters life . Any ideas? Thanks!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • I know this sounds bad... but don't do anything. She is old enough to make her own choices. If you try to stop her, it will push her away from you and further into his arms. She has to live and learn on her own.

    LyTe684

    Answer by LyTe684 at 8:39 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I would just talk with her and support her. You can talk to her about your feelings and your hopes for her. I would not stop her from dating him because you might push her away.

    I would let her know how you feel and tell her what you told us. She may not see this is happening because she is in it. She does have to live and learn on her own, but there are ways to help her with out controlling her.

    Remember it is her decision and you just need to be there when she needs you.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:13 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I would definately agree, maybe mention to her how you feel, but dont do it in an overbearing way. Just share your concerns, and try to invite her to do special things with you everyonce in a while. I'm only 19 and I ended up marrying my high school sweetheart, but looking back now I dont think I would have done it if my parents had not been so pushy about me staying away from him and making it "Taboo" so to speak. Just be there for her when she is ready to talk. This may just be a hard lesson she has to learn.
    nkkk07

    Answer by nkkk07 at 9:16 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Let it run it's course. If you get involved she will cling to him even more. I know it is hard. Been there done that and got the t-shirt.
    Stay strong.
    Lady4Coffee

    Answer by Lady4Coffee at 9:39 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Well I know some parents forbid the 2 to see or talk until a certain time like once a week. Tell her like okay I want you to try this. Every friday or Sat I want you to make plans w/ just your friends and go out w/ them. At 9pm you can call him and talk for a lil while but not see each other on just one day which will be your friends day w/ you. You can just be like I've noticed you havn't been spending as much time w/ your friends lately and if you want them to stick around you need to include them in your life aswell. I know far too many girls that cut out there friends during relationships and eventually they just lose touch w/ them altogether.
    o0gone0o

    Answer by o0gone0o at 9:43 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Our kids...just like us...choose our owns paths...pushing them away will just draw them closer,
    LexsiesMommy

    Answer by LexsiesMommy at 11:49 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • sorry but i know they think they are in ove but i would just insist for her not to be dating this guy cause it seems harmful. she could blame you for the break up. she might feel a relief she may hate you but in the end when she gets happier she will look back and think how much you really did for her. i wish my mother had done that. she worked 2 jobs and went to school so i grew up not being supervised. i would of avoided getting pregnant and having a husband that turned into an ex. she can't just keep going out with him the longer the harder it will be. sometimes parents have a hard job for the sake of their children though it must be done. it will hurt you and she will be upset but in the end it will be worth it. you don't want them together so what more can you do let her learn the hard way. that is not always the best lesson in life. she may not learn anything accept that you didn't do much parenting.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:11 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • i also agree with o0gone0o although not sure how effective that wil be but try that first then do what ever else you decide as for the rest of the ladies i just don't agree. you have been supporting her all this time and well she isn't truly happy still.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • The more you try to pull her away the more she will cling...you will become her enemy. Be supportive and perhaps talk with her friends and get them to take her to the mall or sign up for an art class or something like that
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:22 AM on Nov. 14, 2008

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