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3 Bumps

My sister is going through a really hard time, please, no bashing

Ok, so about a year ago and a half ago, my sister started dating a man who was sparated from him wife and was in the process of getting a divorce. Well they dated for almost a year and got engaged. He was still not divorced but the papers were in, currently, it is taking almost 2 years to get through a divorce cause the courts are so backed up. Anyway, shortly after getting engaged, she got pregnant. By the time she was 3 months pregnant, her fiance' had left her and went back to his wife. They dropped the papers and are now living together with their 2 children. Now, my sister understands that he and his wife will be part of the child's life. She doesn't like it because the woman calls her a whore but they were planning on gettin married once his divorce was final. The problem is, she is weeks away from her due date and he called saying that both he AND HIS WIFE want to be in the delivery room!!!!!!!! In the hospital she is going to, you only get 2 people in the room so that would mean that for them to watch, she would not even have 1 support person. She told him it was out of the question, saying it is a total invasion of her privacy. She plans on me and our mother being there. I feel like since he left her, he doesn't have the right to be a support person in the delivery room. Also, they are angry because like I said the family court in our area is so backed up so they will have to wait until there is a birth certificate and social securety numer issued to the baby until they can file (prob when the baby is 3 months). Even then, it will take 6 months to a year to see a judge. So the baby could be as old as 15 months by the time he get visitation HOWEVER, once she is out of the hospital she can go to child support enforcement and she will get child support ordered within 60 days. I'll admit that this is unfair to him but on the other hand there has been so much unfairness for her it does kinda even things out. She says that she will let him visit the baby in her home until visitation is ordered. I told her I feel that she has every right to chose who will be in the room. I also think that she is in her right to get child support for her child, it's not her fault that the courts are so backed up that it will take a while for visitation. I also told her that I feel it is good that she is letting him see the baby in her home only because if she lets him take the baby and he doesn't bring the baby back, there is nothing my sister can do, she will have to wait to go to court to get the baby back. Opinions please, but please, on bashing, she wasn't trying to be the other woman, he was getting divorced and he betrayed her.

Oh the other thing is, the wife is mad because in our state, other kids that you are not paying child support on don't count when figuring child support so the child support she will get is a little over 1/7th of their current income (the wife doesn't work)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:48 PM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (35)
  • She can have who ever she wants in that delivery room and since they aren't married she can choose no to have his wife go near that baby.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:51 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I think the advise you gave her is great BTW>
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:52 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • She can bar them from the delivery room completely. It is her body, her baby and her say.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 6:52 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • What is your question? Can the wife be in the delivery room? NO. To make sure, she can let the hospital know her wishes on who she wants there.


    What a mess though. Hope things work out for her and the baby.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 6:53 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Well she really doesn't want the wife comming to see the baby becausethe wife is already calling the baby HER baby
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:54 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I think your sister is making good choices. He left her so these are the consequences. He's not the model for trust, having backed out of his engagement so visitation in the home is critical. Why the wife has to be ANY part of this, is a control issue on HER part. It's mystifying. She has no damn business in that delivery room. It should be you and your Mom and when baby is born, he can see it. Again, he gave up on her, so he needs to play by her rules. Your sis has her head on her shoulders.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I guess my question was did I give her good advise, sorry my head is spinning. I still can't believe the wife even WANTS to be in the delivery room
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Your sister can have her thrown out of the hospital by secuirty if the wife causes problems.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:56 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Yes, you gave good advice. She just needs to let the hospital know to keep her away.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 6:58 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You gave her the right advice.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 6:59 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

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