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2 Bumps

Horrible choices...

I am 26 and about 1 week shy of giving birth to my first son. This baby is from my ex husband whom I had given a 2nd chance at love when he returned one year after our divorce. at 7 months pregnant I kicked him out for being financially iresponsible and because I he demonstrated how he loves to party versus support me during this trying time. We had no contact for exactly 2 months, so I assumed he didnt care to be part of this baby. He called me out of nowhere and said that he wanted to be in the delivery room during the birth and I felt a little violated at the thought considering he has been involved with other women. Not sure what to do. He feels entitled to everything...including ensuring his son has his last name aferwards. AND as much time as possible spent being around him. I still love this man but I feel he does not deserve to be in that room during such a personal moment. I need all opinions!!!

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wintersaim

Asked by wintersaim at 8:52 PM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • do you have any legal ties to this man? If not. You tell your Dr. the situation and that you do NOT want him there. I suggest you tell noone but who is going to be with you when you go into labor.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would not want him there, and he would not be invited if I were you. As for the baby's name, that should be up to you and for spending a lot of time with the baby, it sounds like he needs to grow up before he can be a good father. I would be cautious of this.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Tell him NO to being in the room. Don't do anything you;re uncomfortable with. Just because he's a sperm donor doesn't mean is entitled to this child. Till he can prove not to be irresponsible like you described I would be very cautious with him and allowing him around this baby. His your ex husband so you don't need to name the baby after him if you don't want. If you don't think he'll be in the baby's life then don't give him his last name.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 8:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • It's a parental moment, if you can have docs, nurses, and other family I personally think the dad should be allowed to be in there, it'll bond him to his son, instant love. Also he does have all rights to that baby, maybe not choosing the last name, but to see him as often as possible, and that should not be denied by you, what he did to you personally needs to be separated from him being a father. You're going to be bitching about him not trying when he gives up, be glad he is there, I know plenty of women who beg their ex to be involved with their kids, but this is one of those reasons why men simply wait and just get visits.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 8:56 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Sorry, but as the mother giving birth, you have the right to tell everyone but essential people, Doctor, Nurses,etc. to leave the room.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:57 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • He can't be IN the room if he doesn't KNOW you are at the hospital HAVING the baby. Just don't inform him, and talk with anyone that will know, so they don't let him know. Also, talk with everyone you need to at the hospital. If you don't want him in the room, HE WON'T BE. If he causes a scene, he will be escorted from the hospital. They do not want anyone making a bunch of women in labor any more upset then they already are, right? But, you don't want him there at all, so that he can't sneak and sign the birth certificate papers and put his name on them. So, talk with the doctors and everyone else you need to.
    And, don't let him be in the baby's life until you are ready for him to be in the baby's life. You are the mom, it's YOUR job to protect baby.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:13 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • If he's going to make you uncomfortable, don't have him there. It's a very important day for you and you'll want the best support in that room with you. That's your right mama!
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 9:17 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • If you don't want him in the delivery room, tell your doctor and the hospital staff to keep him out. I would also request 'no visitors' when at the hospital so if he shows up or tries to get in your room he can be kicked out. If you have not done so I would contact a lawyer and find out what rights you have to the baby, and ask if you are required to put him on the birth certificate or give dad's last name.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:31 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would tape it, and send him a copy............WHY would you want to put yourself in such a stressful situation??? Trust me girl, you are gonna be stressed enough with what you are about to go through (sorry, don't mean to scare you, just wanna PREPARE you)...!! Good luck!!
    cfh72

    Answer by cfh72 at 10:13 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • My dd had a baby by a man other than her husband last year - long story - she broke up from her husband who was her boyfriend - got with a guy on the rebound and tried to make it go.... she was still in love with her boyfriend - went back and they got married right away... two weeks later she discovered she was pregnant. Her husband came in the delivery room with me. Just myself & her husband were there. Everyone else in the hall or waiting room. After the baby was cleaned off & she held him, she asked me to step to the hall to ask the father of the baby to come in. So, he was the 2nd to hold his son - had a bit of time alone with the baby before I had to steal him. LOL After the baby's father and I held him, then her husband held him. They opted to choose 3 names.... She picked his first name (he's named after me), the father picked the 2nd name and her husband picked the 3rd.

    I don't think I'd let him come in.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 11:54 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

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