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7 Bumps

Wife or sister?

Once married, should most important people in a mans life change? My husband and I have been married for 3 years and have 2 children. ive always felt unimportant in his life, today he said that yes his sisters would rank higher in importance than me. Am I overreacting? I've never had my feelings hurt so bad before.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Jan. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (34)
  • No, you are not overreacting - if my husband were to say that I would be terribly hurt.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:00 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would be extremely upset. Once you guys are married you should be one of his high priorities, not his sister.
    Sounds like my husband, I swear if it was between life and death to save me or his mom. He would save his mom.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:01 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • I would feel so awful. You have a right to be upset.. It sounds like he dosent care if he hurts you, a normal person would know that would be a mean thing to say. You say you have always felt unimportant in his life we allow people to treat us the way they do. Accept it or change it.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:02 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • There's a difference in sisterly love and wife love. He just loves you differently, he could never love you the way he loves his sister, and he could never love his sister the way he loves you.
    Did you ask him who came first, or who he loved more?
    That might be part of the issue, even if he does love you the same in different ways, maybe his sister wouldn't ever ask him that.

    I have had this convo with my SO, basically I love my sister like a child of mine, I have to protect her and fend for her, act as second parent for her constantly, so my love for her is different. it's blood, it's she can never just leave, she's like my own child, she's my friend and my sister all in one.
    But do I love my SO, 100%. Do I possible feel more love for my sister? it's possible, never analyzed.

    maybe that helped...I hope

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 9:03 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Ummm no you're sure not over-reacting. His sister higher than his wife? Ummm so not ok.

    We, too, have had the issue of me feeling like his mom and sister come first - he swears it's not the way it is - but if he just came out and said- sorry you're the looser - I'd be crushed.

    I'm so sorry, hun - I know that hurts so much :(

    Answer by AAAMama at 9:03 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • If my husband said that to me it would take every ounce of self control not to punch him. It is a big sign of insecurity and immaturity. When you get married you leave your mother and father and cleave to your husband/wife. You can't ever ask a son to not worship his mom...but the SISTER, of no fricken way would that walk.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:05 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Your husband is an asshole. A huge asshole.

    Yes, when you get married, your priorities change. Your spouse becomes your immediate family, your other family is extended family. And when you have kids, they, too, are immediate family. EVERYONE ELSE IS EXTENDED FAMILY.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:05 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • Thats insanity, of course you should come first.

    Answer by shivasgirl at 9:07 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • It is unnecessary to compare the amount of love or the importance of yourself to your SO. You either know and have his love or not. It is admirable that he loves his sister or his mother. Why do you feel that it has to be measured and rated?

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:09 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

  • You should come first in a marrige..above his sisters..when you gett married its You and The Kids and Him..thats family and everyone else follows


    Answer by SweetPoison at 9:11 PM on Jan. 9, 2011

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