Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should it be like that?

My man and I both work full-time jobs. He has a greater income than I do, but never-the-less we BOTH input financially. I do the cleaning, the laundry, and take care of 90% of our baby's basic needs. I HATE when he bitches about laundry not being done. Or I've attempted to get some done, (on top of everything else I mentioned), but not what he needs. I've told him I can't do it all by myself (okay, women we CAN do it by ourselves, but we shouldn't have to if our man is capable or helping, right??) Sometimes I think "well he makes more money, so I guess it evens out for me to do everything at home, and not demand help." I feel like he thinks giving me $$ for the bills and such should be enough on his part. I don't know, I don't think it should be that way. I feel bad for telling him I need money, so when I start to ask him to help with something I stop because I rely on him financially. Any thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • My feeling is this ~ it doesn't matter how much each of you make, if you're both putting in full time hours. When I didn't work, or I worked part time, I felt the home and kids were more my responsibility than his because that was my contribution to our family. However, when I did teach full time, I made FAR less than he did, but put in a TON of hours, between pta and traveling for conferences, and staff meetings, etc. I told him flat out that I was working just as much as he was, and it wasn't right that on his days off he could relax all day while on my days off I was catching up on landry and dusting, and bathroom cleaning, etc. So in the end, we split up the chores, and he cooked on his nights off. It all worked out. Now I work at home, so I've taken over the house again, but like I said, I don't mind it because that's my contribution.
    Jennifina

    Answer by Jennifina at 9:19 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • i stay home and my husband still helps me. so if i worked and he didnt haha poor him!
    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 9:28 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • if you both work full time, then you both share the household duties
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 9:37 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • You both put in the same amount of work outside of the home regardless of the money you make. so therefore you should both put in the same (or at least a somewhat even) amount of time with the home and the children. Money's just money. Your 'man' and you are equals neither one of you should have to do 10 x more than the other based on how much you make alone.
    wonderer16

    Answer by wonderer16 at 9:43 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Jennifina has the arrangement down perfectly. Working is working regardless of how much cash you bring home. You and your partner are a team and must work together and support each other to make family life and marriage balanced and happy.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 9:44 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • You work...he works...the house work should be done with team effort. My BF did not see that at first until we talked and talked again. If you were a sahm well then maybe it would be different.
    Money for the bills is great but he needs to understand in order to keep up with all their needs to be teamwork, not resentment because he feels that paying just the bills is enough. Good Luck..stay strong...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 9:51 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • You should tell him to give you money to do his laundry, if he thinks that just because he makes more money he doesn't have to do anything around the house. I'm SAHM, and we get equal allowances. He knows that I actually have the harder job, because he taken care of our kids while I run and do errands or go out wit the girls' for dinner. I knows its hard to get anything done, other than feeding them and chasing after them. You shouldn't feel like you really on him. You contribute just as much as he does even more. My husband knows that if I ever died, he would be up a sh** creek, to replace everything I do. Life insurance policies only let you get 1/2 as much if you're a SAHM. Apparently they think that your value is only 1/2 as much.
    Alma_C

    Answer by Alma_C at 11:53 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Even if you're a SAHm, that means you work all day and night, if you're up with the kids. With a job, you're off at certain hours, its no the same with being a SAHM. You're on call all the time.
    Alma_C

    Answer by Alma_C at 11:54 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • both parties should come to any agreement
    elle2hot4u

    Answer by elle2hot4u at 12:02 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • it shouldn't matter that he makes more money. he still lives in the same house and eats the same food u make for him. I'm a SAHM and my dh works but he does 50% of everything sometimes more. Which I definitely appreciate. Just taking care of the kids is a full time job on its own so doing housework and cooking is overtime and double and on top of that you also work full time.
    nora17

    Answer by nora17 at 12:11 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN