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It is hard for me to say no to my kids. Any help on how to without feeling mean?

When my 12yr. old daughter wants to go to the dance at school, have a friend over, go to a friends house, buy goodies at the store, have a few dollars to spend at the mall, I have a hard time not giving in to see her happy. My husband says I spoil the kids and it's not going to be good for thier future to give them everything they want.

 
Constellation

Asked by Constellation at 9:59 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (3)
  • He is exactly right. You need the practice saying no, as much as she needs the practice hearing it. The questions only get bigger as to what they ask to do. Also the world doesn't work that way. She needs to learn somewhere that you can't always get what you want immediately. If she doesn't have some understanding she will have no discipline later in life. If you find it hard and feel mean, think of it as you are giving her a different gift by not always agreeing to everything. You can also start having her make choices. The movies on Friday or the party on Saturday. That is something she will have to learn to do someday too. Help her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Just say no. Plain and simple. You're are going to be the mean guy. My kids tell me how mean I am and I tell them "that's my job, sometimes." I always make sure they know they are loved, and they get over it pretty quick.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:04 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • You need to start now, because as she gets older into the later teen yrs you need to know how to be the "bad parent" or really the good parent ,to save her from the peer pressure.
    It does not help kids to get everything they want... they need to hear a no and even be disappointed once in a while as they age, it teaches them how to savor the yes and respect the no's!
    Think of it this way... As a toddler learns to walk, they fall down. You do not go to them and tell them "No walking, you'll fall" You say you're ok, go again, and they do....
    So why, as they age, do we rescue them everytime and feel bad when they cannot have what they want? Teach her now the difference between Needs and Wants! And always end with "because I love you" The hard yrs are coming and she needs you to teach her now... that is your job!
    MikkiB

    Answer by MikkiB at 4:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2008