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I think my sister is ruining her kid's lives!

My step sister that is.... We met when she was in high school ( I am older) but she wouldnt really ahve anything to do with me and my family because I guess she was still upset that her dad left her mother for my mom.

She got pregnant right out of high school, and then had her second about 2 years ago, and I had my first 8 months ago...so we have tried to get together now, but I am finding it very hard to have a relationship with her because I feel badly about her kids.

She is WAY WAY WAY to over protective of her kids, she will only let her mom or her grandma babysit them, she never goes out without them, she wont let her daughter ( 4 years old ) sleep over anywhere, and is even going to wait a whole year before sending her to kindergarten ( her 5th birthday meets the deadline to go into kindergarten this year) .... and we all know it is because of the way she is, that she isnt sending her this year. Her and her husband is even struggling money wise but she wont get a job because she wont leave her kids with someone....

It is just so frustrating !

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (33)
  • I'm not sure she's really truly ruining their lives by this behavior, but I can see where it would frustrate you. Sometimes you think having kids around the same age are going to bring you closer with someone, but it ends up widening the gap. This happened with my sister-in-law. We couldn't understand the parenting style of the other.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 11:45 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • with everything that happens in this world, everyday, can't say i blame her much! there is nothing wrong with being the one raiseing your own kids or with starting school a little late. she is just trying to be the best parent she can! just because it is not your way, does not make it the wrong way! try being a little open minded, and support her a little more, maybe the 2 of you can foster a relationship.
    itzmyzoo

    Answer by itzmyzoo at 11:45 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Its really none of your business. She's not ruining those kids lives. In fact I applaude her for caring.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 11:46 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • thats a hard one. There will always be parenting methods that we dont agree with. i have a neighbor that allows her kids 6,8,9, to stay out past dark (sometimes 10pm) walk home alone from school, one even got hit by a car and she still allows this, they wear spring coats and flip flops in the winter and play in the snw with strep throat. i disagree with ALOT of what this mom allows. BUT it is her children, and although i have vioced my opinion you arent going to be able to change how kids are raised. some ppl should not be parents and some ppl should. its all a matter of opinion. and trust me sometimes it is very hard to watch how some kids are raised. especially since they are our future!
    JOR_HAIL

    Answer by JOR_HAIL at 11:47 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • hmmm.. I wonder if then I ruin my sons live because I only let my mom or sister watch him and although I work outside the home, I never go anywhere without him either because i want to be with him every chance I can......
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:49 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Just because she doesn't parent like you do, doesn't make her some heathen who is ruining her kids' lives.
    Is there possibly a chance you are seeing things this way because of some resentment on how she acted when your families merged? Seems to me that always makes people see nothing but ugly in everything the resented person does.
    Either way, you need to lighten up.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 11:51 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • im more worried about her than i am her kids, i know that if i dont get at least some alone time a week i go crazy!
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 11:54 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • What you are describing isn't ruining her kids lives. She has the right to pick and choose who she leaves her kids with. I wouldn't let my 4 year old sleep over at anyone's house either. If she doesn't feel like her daughter is ready for kindergarten, she doesn't have to send her this year. The law in most states is that kids don't need to be in school until they are 6. Since she just barely makes the cutoff for kindergarten, it means that she is very young and possibly immature and her mother doesn't think she is socially or emotionally ready to go. You are trying to project your parenting methods onto her and that is why you are getting so frustrated. Be happy that she cares enough about her children's well-being to be so concerned for them. Nothing you are describing is 'ruining' their lives. They are babies still for goodness sakes.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 11:54 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Wow, so caring about your children's well being is "ruining their lives" now? Nobody but my grandma has watched my kids. And I can count the amount of times on one hand. They are MY children, I raise them. Being a mom means it's time to sacrifice my life for my children. So yeah, I don't go out without my kids because nobody takes better care of them.

    banana-bear

    Answer by banana-bear at 11:54 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I guess I am kind of like ur SS. i want to spend all my time with my kids and only my MIL and my neighbor ever keep them over night. And both houses are on the same block as me. I never let my kids with anyone (even for a night) before they were 6! I was a little neurotic. even when it comes to sleepovers I let them have them at home but not at others house. my husband says I need to 'let go" but they are only young once.

    JOR_HAIL

    Answer by JOR_HAIL at 11:56 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

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