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2 Bumps

Is this somthing i need to run from??

I have been talking to this guy for over a month now and we have went out to lunch and dinner a few time. This weekend he wanted to cook me dinner so I went to his house. Now lets get to the running part. He always seems to talk about his mom or something aobut his mother comes up on everything. His mother passed when he was 16 he is now 37. While at his house this weekend i nothiced that there was a very large number of photos of his mom. There were six photos in his room alone and like ten threw out the rest of the apt. He had more pics of his mother than of his boys. I like this guy but im scared that he is trying to replace his mom with me.....any advice would be great. Thanks

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • It sounds like he really loved his mother and maybe hasnt been able to truly deal with her death. Maybe he doesnt want his kids to forget bout her which is why hes got so many photos. I dont know that at this point its something to run from. Maybe just nicely ask him what the deal is nicely of course.
    Jaxsmommy09

    Answer by Jaxsmommy09 at 11:48 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Um, that's freaky! I wouldn't get too serious too quickly. I'd test the waters for months before I'd go any further.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:49 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Maybe he always brings her up in convo because somehow you remind him of her? Once yall get serious enough, I would bring it up, NO OFFENSE or disrespect to him, but I can see how that can make you wanna bite your tongue =(
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 11:49 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I'm not sure whether you should run or not. But think about whether his positivies outweigh this and any other negatives. If not, then run. If he has a lot of good qualities, but this is maybe one of the only negatives, stick around a little while longer and see what develops. If it's something you can't seem to get by, talk to him about it or move on. Good luck!
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 11:50 AM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Hello,


         My stepchildren's (5) mother died when the oldest son was graduating from college and the youngest daughter was just out of diapers. Their mother had cancer and suffered for a year. It has greatly effected the children but all of them think fondly of her and have been able to continue their lives in a positive way. I think in some way the mother's death may have made the boys (4 in all) a little more appreciative of women in general. None of them are serial daters and all of them have had at least one very long loving respectful relationship with their girlfriends. I would give the nice guy a chance. There are many worse things that he could have around the house than photos of his mother!! You also mentioned children. Get to know his children and how the father and kids interact...very important if not more so than your initial question.

    notjustmom213

    Answer by notjustmom213 at 12:04 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I would go out with him for a while longer they say if a man respects his mother he will be a good husband. Sounds like he loved her very much. I think it's ok that he talks about her to you he feels comfortable telling you about his past this way. Just take it slow and see where things leads to. You never know this might be the one.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 12:16 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • My guy friend just said, RUN!!! He may be a nice guy but he needs to deal with the death of his mother that was 16 years ago. Sounds like he hasn't fully dealt with her death. Try talking to him about it and see what happens, maybe stay friends.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • It does sound like he might have some unresolved feelings that he needs to deal with before getting married and maybe he is okay. If you want to find out just talk to him about the topic and maybe after a long conversation about his mother he will feel as though you understand where he is coming from?
    Aries46845

    Answer by Aries46845 at 12:43 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • If you're asking the question, then I think that means your instincts are telling you something is a little off-kilter. Don't ignore that. I don't think it means you need to run, but I do think it means that some signs are showing up that you might want to keep paying attention to. They might mean something (like he has difficulty with moving on, difficulty with boundaries in his life, difficulty with grief, etc).

    I, personally, would just move on before I got emotionally involved and that clouded my judgment. But I'm not much for wasting time, and I'm highly reliant on my instincts. If it doesn't feel right, well, off I go. If I'm wrong, that's a price I'm willing to pay. But I would want to start out a relationship where my biggest concern is feeling too in love...
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 12:47 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • How can he be replacing you with his mother? I don't understand that part, its not like he's asking you to nurture him or to take care of him...he has pictures up of his deceased mother.... I have pictures up of my deceased son that passed away 17 years ago but I don't look to my other kids to replace him...get to know the man and find out how he ticks. If he was an odd ball, weirdo, you would know it by now and woulnd't waste your time...if it bothers you so much, ask him why he has so many pictures up of his mother...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:12 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

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