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Weddng invitations

I am getting married in 4 months. I am 21 years old and my parents are divorced. I am the only dd so my wedding is a BIG deal, my parents started a savings account when I was 10 for my wedding, they were already divorced by then but they both put $10 a month in the account, now there is almost $30,000. My step dad has been around since i was 13 so, he has contributed to the wedding fund as well. My dad got married 6 months ago, but they had agreed that there was already enough money in there (you think? lol) so my new SM never contributed anything for my wedding. Well now, I am planning on the inviations listing my mom, step and and dad, as those are the people who paid for the wedding. My SM wants her name to be on there too. I really don't know her very well, so I don't feel comfortable making her an honerary host. I also think it is unfair to my mom and step dad (and my dad really) to list her because they have all been saving for a long time for this and it's not fair for her to just step in and play host. (she has also not even offered to help plan anything for the wedding. My dad says it is up to me because he says he sees both sides, but it is my wedding. I don't mind her sitting with my dad in the front row, after my mom and step dad but I have also asked to have some of the formal wedding pics without her in them ( i should also point out that this is my dad's 4th marriage so if they don't work out, I don't want my dad's ex in every one of my formal wedding pics) Am I being unreasonable?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Out of respect for your dad I would list his wife, regardless of whether she directly contributed money. I know what you're saying - but there's no harm in listing her with your father. (Could you imagine how you would feel being blatantly excluded like that?) As for pictures; it's appropriate for you to have pics with and without her, but it would be pretty rude to have a pic of you, your parents and your step father without her.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 12:34 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like a mess. But all marriages should be considered to last forever, even 4th ones so I think your dad's wife should be included in the pics. Now a days most parents don't pay or or help to pay for their children weddings so I think it's unfair of you to want to leave your stepmother out because she hasn't help put into the wedding fund. She's only been married to your dad 6 months and you are an adult. She shouldn't be required to add to your wedding fund. Send her an invitation because she is your dad's wife. Get a move on your wedding plans too as 4 months out is late to be sending out invites for a $30,000 wedding.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 12:36 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • If you want to keep the peace in the famliy then add your step mother. But if you just wanting to name your mother and father since they are people who are your parents only then that is your decision. Which ever way you decide remember this decision will not be forgot within the relationships. Good Luck!
    Aries46845

    Answer by Aries46845 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I don't think you're being unreasonable. When it comes down to it, it's your wedding.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • keisha613, I am certainly inviting her, I am just not sure it is fair to the parents who HAVE paid (especially my step dad) to bascially tell the guests that she helped pay for the wedding.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:38 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • And I don't feel like I am owed a wedding or anything but as my parents (my mom, dad and step dad) have been saving for this wedding for a long time, I feel that it is apropriate that thank them. I also feel that my mom's feelings are kinda hurt that she would ask to be put on the invitation. I mean, this really is a lot of money for her to be asking to just be included in giving. As far as the pictures, I want a few with all four of them but most I want just my mom, dad and step dad. Though I also want some of just my mom and dad and some of just my mom and step dad. I was even thinking of doing one with me and both my dads. Oh btw, I messed up and put that they paid $10 a month each, it was $100 each.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:58 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Its your dad's wife and why would you exclude her? Just because she didn't contribute to the wedding fund, you'll exclude her from being an honorary host? For the love of money, people will hurt someone....but remember, your wedding is only 1 day, your dad will be married to this woman for a lifetime...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:04 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • mom2mybabes, as she is wife #4 it is going out on a limb to say they will be married for a lifetime. The biggest problem is if I don't include her on the invites, her feelings will be hurt, but as she has not done anything for the wedding, she really has no right to expect to be on then invites. On the other hand, if I do put her name on the invites, it will hurt my mom and step dads feelings, and I can understand why, they have put away a lot of money for this and now she wants to waltz in a take credit for what they have done. Plus the wedding planning have been going on for 8 months, me and my mom have worked very hard to make everything perfect and she hasn't even offered to lift a finger for it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:09 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I would stay away from mentioning any adults on the invitation other than you and your fiance. I have seen invitations that say something like "John and Sue (your names) along with their parents invite you to join them in celebrating their marriage".....and so on. Have the replies go to your mom.

    Talk to your photographer and make it clear the SM is not to be in every photo. She should be in a couple though. GL!!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:19 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • elizabr, I thought of that but, from what I have read (I have like 8 wedding books lol) putting mine and my fiance's name on there is saying that we are paying for it. The ettiquette books say you should list the parents who are paying for the wedding. They said adding anyone else is up to you but I wouldn't feel right taking the credit for paying for the wedding when we didnt
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:23 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

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