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3 Bumps

It's hard to stay positive right now. Warning, long vent :/

I guess somewhere in between me wanting a baby girl so bad, and actually becoming pregnant with one, I started to let some things go that used to be important. I pretended like things were better than they were so I could let myself be excited for our next baby. So what if we don't spend as much time together doing fun things? So what if it doesn't seem like we have much in common anymore? I'm pregnant, things are just going to be different. Then after a couple big fights I realized that it had taken time to get where we are today. Slowly but surely we had let a lot of things go that had been reasons why we worked so well together in the first place.

Well, now we're here. Trying to just work on being friends in between raising an energetic 2 year old and both working full time. With our schedules the way they are, we hardly ever see each other. When we do it's never anything special or exciting. It's really hard. We're hardly improving at all with being friends, and I try to do something I haven't in a while. I wake up a little early, make sure I feel good about myself, and get myself a little dolled up hoping that since we have the morning together for once that maybe things could go right. Maybe we could have better sex then we have been having. Unfortunately, like usual it didn't work out.

It's just so hard trying to feel good anymore. I hate hair and literally have to make sure everything has been recently shaved to be able to do anything. If things end up happening anyway and I don't feel like some parts are smooth enough, I have to try and avoid him touching those places without ruining the mood. :/ I've always been insecure about my boobs being so big and not perky enough, so it's VERY rare for me to be in less than a shirt, or bra-less when we're getting intimate. Oh and thanks to my first pregnancy my once favorite position is out of the question now! I have minor hemorrhoids. Lucky me, I didn't know that I had them until after a couple times in a row I noticed my husband kind of covering that area with his finger during doggy style (GREAT). I felt sooo embarrassed and now am way too insecure to try that position again until something is fixed.

Now with my new pregnant belly with baby #2 on the way and my even LARGER breasts, it's hard for me to feel sexy in missionary either. I thought I was the only one getting bored, but as he brought up this morning, he is too. :[ I feel so depressed right now, we're failing at being friends and now realizing how much we're failing at being romantic with each other as well. How does everyone else do it? How do you find the time to make it work and not mess your relationship up? I just keep thinking if we can't do it now, how are we going to make it with TWO kids? I do plan on getting a breast reduction after I'm done breastfeeding baby girl and getting my hemorrhoids removed as well, but that's almost a year away. I don't know what to do, things feel hopeless right now and I'm so sick of crying.

I want to feel confident and sexy in the bedroom. I want things to be exciting, I WANT him to try new things for once or for me to feel more comfortable with doing them. I want us to be happy as friends too. I want us to argue less, and enjoy each other's time more.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Did you feel like this when you where pregnant lat time?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:41 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • That was 3 years ago, and things were definitely different. We were like best friends then. Some things were different while I was pregnant ya, but we were still very happy.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:46 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • So your relationship was getting bad before you got pregnant?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:50 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • No it seemed like it was getting stronger until some issues came to the surface that I guess I wasn't paying enough attention too and he waited too long to bring up. We didn't realize all of this until he sort of popped my happy prego bubble by letting me know everything he was unhappy with. Once he brought up his issues it hurt my feelings at first but then it reminded me how we used to be and what we were letting ourselves turn into. Now I'm worried too
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:34 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • What ever his issues are. You two need to deside if these issues he is having about your relationship is worth working out or not.
    Truthfull I would be mad. Him waiting tell you are pregnant with your second child by him to tell you he is not happy. Not cool.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:19 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • It definitely threw me off guard and really hurt my feelings. He did apologize for waiting so long to bring it up, but I'm disappointed in myself that I let things get to this point too. I was just living life, trying to plan and organize, and not paying enough attention to what was going on or not going on with us. I love him and need him in my life, but I don't want to keep this going if it's going to keep being this hard. I need to see progress, I need positivity, especially now while pregnant. I guess I was just hoping that other married couples that were having issues had ways of dealing with them without having much extra time. How do you stay intimate with each other when your schedules don't match up and when you don't feel totally comfortable? I don't know, I never thought we'd be like this. We had a really great relationship.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:54 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • It seems like both of you are defining your "relationship" as "rockin' hot sex life". Is that accurate?
    As for feeling "totally comfortable", that is entirely mental. It really sounds as if you're actually talking yourself out of happiness in that respect by self-criticizing things you can't control.
    As for things you can control, it sounds as if you're actively trying to take that on. Getting up a little early, trying to enhance your self-esteem by dolling up a little, these are positive steps that you chose to take, and that is both wonderful and indicative of your drive to change things for the better. Have some confidence in yourself and your husband here. If you can talk about how to finagle things so you have time together, that would be good. Team up on this, be each other's support system in this, bounce ideas off each other and be accepting of each other's ideas.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:13 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

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