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My baby daddy's mama

My baby daddy's mama is supporting us since he decided to leave a month after the baby was born. He made all kinds of promises and initially she was paying our rent in exchange for his help remodeling a building that she bought. Well, now I don't feel so good about accepting her help because she's just enabling him in his return to alcoholism and his refusal to take care of his responsibilities. When the courts seek child support from him, he is going to try to use her helping me as a replacement for him paying money out of his pocket. This is messed up. But, on the other hand, I have issues that prevent me from working right now, am on foodstamps and other programs, and I kind of have to accept help. But it should be from him, not her. He's using her. He even has one of her credit cards that he can use instead of paying for stuff himself. What should I do?

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Asked by beshka76 at 2:30 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 11 (623 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • There's not much you can do, shes allowing for him to behave this way

    Answer by My2boys0523 at 2:32 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • You can't control him, other than through the courts. All they can do is mandate that he pay. I feel sorry for the baby - he'll never have a proper father growing up. That's tough.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 2:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • You don't have to feel sorry for the baby, Dr. Donna. His siblings have been raised by me, and only me, and they're doing just fine.

    Comment by beshka76 (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I'm not saying he (or his siblings) won't be fine. I love my dad and my mom. I have a great relationship with both of them and my life is richer for having both of them in my life. Sounds like your son is going to grow up knowing that there is some guy out there who didn't want anything to do with him. Regardless of how good a job you do raising him, that is going to leave a bit of an impression. I know - the woman who gave birth to me left when I was 6 months old. I was very fortunate that my father's second wife raised me to be her daughter, but the knowledge that I was not wanted does haunt me a bit.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 2:41 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Well my friend, if you are already on goverment help, you should try finding a daycare for your kids. They give out some kind of voucher to help you pay the daycare. Then you will have to find a job, or go to school, is prettty obvious that you cannot expect anything from this guy. I was a single mom for almost 6 yrs and that was the only thing I had, the voucher and I worked. you need to move on.

    Answer by yari79 at 2:42 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Sorry I misunderstood, Dr. Donna. I do see your point about a child wondering why she/he was abandoned by a parent. That is why I really work on my kids' self esteem, (I have two daughters) and remind them that Mommy loves them SOOOO much :)

    Comment by beshka76 (original poster) at 2:45 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I'm sorry you're in the situation. You can't do anything to change a person - he has to want to be a better - you can't make him be a better person. If I were you I'd get I'd try to find daycare or a babysitter ASAP and find a job. Then as soon as I could I'd move out of his mom's place and out on my own or move in with my parents or family, anything to get out of there. I'd definitely be going to court to file for custody & child support as well. As soon as child support is set up and if he doesn't pay I'd be reporting that.

    Answer by Jessica45 at 2:49 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I hope you soon can get out there in the work force, your child needs to know you work hard so they will follow in your footsteps. I would no longer worry about the father being a good figure but make sure you are because you in the end is the only person that can change.

    Answer by MKSers at 4:51 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • file for child support, her help does not take the place of child support so he will have to pay back child support

    Answer by JLS2388 at 5:03 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

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