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I am about to marry a man who has a daughter! I was wondering what I should expect when she comes to live with us? I don't know what to do!

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Asked by ke_smith2008 at 11:28 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (3)
  • Things will be difficult t first but they will eventually get easier. Good luck

    Answer by coala at 11:29 AM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Do not do anything but be yourself! Kids sense fakeness faster then adults.
    Let them have alone time together. Movies, outings and such.
    After a while explain to her, you are not trying to replace her mother, but you love her Dad and would like to be friends with her. But let her know you want her to have her relationship with her father, and you will respect that they need time alone together!
    As long as you give her time to learn to trust you and give her free time with her Dad to build a relationship separate from you, she will be ok. Then do not judge, or nag on him about her. Respect that this is his daughter until you and her have a relationship together.

    Answer by MikkiB at 4:29 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I was in your situation 9 years ago....FIRST and FOREMOST you and he need to sit down and talk about how discipline is going to work in your house, go through a bunch of "what if this happens, how are we going to handle it" scenarios, talk about dating, phone time, school, everything you can think of no matter what the age of the child. We did this and it has worked out great. It would have been a living hell if we hadn't been honest about what we expected out of the relationship. I told my husband I was not going to be treated as a second class citizen in my own home and that I needed to be able to handle discipline as much as him. We still talk openly about what if's and things and it has worked well. Step parenting can be very good but you have GOT to plan or it's going to be a DISASTER!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

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