Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How should I go about dealing with my step daughter when she moves in?

Answer Question

Asked by ke_smith2008 at 11:29 AM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I think you should treat her with respect and make her feel welcomed in your family. Always remember she is not her Mom. She is her own person and deserves to be loved.

    Answer by busybee68 at 1:30 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I'm a step mom.and it is really hard to do sometimes.Especially when the step child is put in the middle and you become the enemy.(when you love them dearly).I hope everything works out.

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:32 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Be patient and take it slow. Don't allow your place in the home to be disrespected and don't disrespect her place in the home. If there is custody and such then make sure your DH and you are on the same page with how he deals with things and how it can affect your relationship.

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 4:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Why do some step parents act like their step child is just the scariest thing in the world??


     i would be kind of scared and you all should be too if you are sooooo worried about your step kids, because if i had to be in the place of that mother,...dealing with this. another woman being a step mom to my kids, and the woman having doubts. hah... i would seriously tell my EX to go play house with his new found family and watch him crawl back to me


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I say post the rules and acts for breaking them( of the house )so you and your husband are on agreement of them before she arrives.Also eveyone needs a chore list. Busy hands less time to get in trouble. Plus a way to make any allowance. It will just make things easier for everyone.Everyone will need time to adjust. Patience and her Dad should enforce and set consiqunces.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Wow..blended families are so difficult. I am a firm believer that the best way to establish a healthy step parent relationship is to clearly define your role. You need to first talk to your husband about what that role is specifically. I believe a stepmom can be a friend (in time), a confidant (in time), and a role model (in time). Stepmothers is not mom and she will most likely remind you of that. Explain to her that you are so glad she is here and how she is an important member of the family. Tell her that you want to be her friend and that you want to be able to have good times togehter. But remind her that even friends have disagreements. And remind her that you are also the adult and responsible for everyone living in the house. You can say it is not your house but the family's house - but adults set the rules to keep people safe, happy, and healthy.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:18 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • cont..I always say that a step parent does not need to ever be in a position to be the bad guy or evil stepmom. Discuss ahead of time what the rules are for your home with your husband. Also discuss some consesquences when something happens. Also let your husband be the one to punish her when she is inappropriate (all kids are from time to time). Don't let yourself be sucked into that evil Bitch role. If your husband is not there and she talks back, has broken a rule, has not cleaned up after herself....make sure she is safe and everyone else is safe. Tell her what you would like her to do. Then don't engage if she won't listen. Have her dad set the punishment. In the long run this will help your relationship with her. Your not putting your husband in the middle. You are making him responsible for his child. Do do things together as a family, establish new traditions, and do things to make her feel welcomed.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:24 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Play it by ear. If you go in with a bunch of preconceived notions of how things are going to work, then you may be setting yourself up for a let down when things don't go the way that you planned. See how she takes to you and adjust your behaviour to the situation.

    Answer by mscottsmom at 9:47 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • first, delete the word "step" then, go from there.

    Answer by Star419 at 10:02 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Take it one day at a time, it will take some adjustment not only for you and for her, but for the rest of the family. Just remember she is part of the family and treat her as such.
    Also, talk to your husband about boundries, especially with discipline, communicate any problems with your husband and work together at keeping a warm, loving, happy home for everyone.

    Answer by PrincessDi106 at 6:25 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.