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3 Bumps

Im having problems with my step kids ages 23 and 18.

Alot of the issues have to do that I dont get along with my husband's ex and my husbands mom . The kids dont like rules and they dont like to pick up after themselves. What can I do to better my relationship with them and also i feel my husband is in between and its hurting him.


Asked by morenarfr05 at 6:00 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 9 (317 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • These children obviously aren't sure if they are "part of the family" or "Guests." You can explain this to them very easily by using those dirty socks. Would a guest even take their socks off in your livingroom? I didn't think so. Explain that the next time you find socks in your livingroom that don't belong to anyone who lives in the house they are going in the garbage can. (I would give them to my dog, but that is beside the point.) You can be more than happy to clear the table for guest, but guests do NOT undress in the livingroom.

    For all of you who say if they don't live in your house you can't give them rules, STFU and pull out some common sense. A polite society has rules, including rules about how to act while visiting extended family. Would you personally leave your socks in your grandmother's livingroom? Yeah, I didn't think so! Tacky tacky tacky! Their father should explain this to them.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 2:34 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Unless they are living under your roof, there should be no rules that they as ADULTS have to follow!

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:34 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Welcome your family (and, sorry to point this out, they're YOUR family) the way you would your friends.

    Would you actually expect your friends to clean up after themselves?

    You may like to increase the formality of your visits --extend invitations, include time frames, explain the event (coffee hour, dinner and drinks, games night, movies...) so they feel like they're guests, rather than ... well, I don't know... Cinderellas? Staff? Underlings?

    I'm sure it would improve your marriage if you extended a more respectful and gracious hand toward his children.

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:49 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • If you have an 18 and 23 year old that don't pick up after themselves you have lots of problems not just getting along.
    Start throwing in the trash what they don't clean up and ignore the MIL. When the "kids" start asking where their stuff is just respond by saying " I don't know...where did you leave it?" And let it go...........

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:20 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • How long have you to been together? How long have their parents been divorced? If it's been a lot of years, these issues should have been resolved years ago.

    Without knowing the whole situation, it's hard to answer. My parents divorced when I was 23. I can tell you it was one of the hardest things I ever went through. I needed time to adjust to the loss of my family as I knew it, and although my dad loved this new women, I didn't know her, and needed some time to accept her.

    I don't know where you are in this relationship, and why his mom doesn't like you...did she like the may just be a matter of giving them time to adjust, and while you do this, show them that you want to be part of their family, and that you are willing to adjust as well.

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:35 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Kids don't always have to like you, and there is always a more lenient parent in a household, but these are not kids but adults by their ages, if they don't like your rules, they can always move out.

    Answer by older at 6:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Well, um, aside from the obvious that at 18 and 23 they are ADULTS and don't HAVE to listen to you and they shouldn't have rules. If they live with you and your husband, that's a WHOLE OTHER ISSUE because at least the 23yo should be on their own. Also, all you should expect of 18 and 23yos who do live with you is that they keep their spaces in order and that they don't make huge messes in the house and help with things like dishes and doing their own laundry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Do they live with you? if not, ya'll don't have the right to give them rules, if so, they need to follow the rules or get out. This isn't a step parent/ step child issue, this is a your an adult so act like on issue (if they are living at home that is)

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:57 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • They're adults. Leave them to their own devices.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 3:09 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • They dont live with us when they come visit. Im not asking them to help me with chores just to clean up their own mess they 18 year old leaves his dirty socks in the living room and they dont pick up their own dishes. I was raised in afamily where we learned to be self sufficent and my kids are doing the same i have a 9 year old who helps out and keeps his room clean with out being told. Like I mentioned before im not asking for them to help me around the house but just with their own stuff. The problem is that if I say anything them leave and i know that affects my husband

    Comment by morenarfr05 (original poster) at 11:55 AM on Jan. 11, 2011