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She is crazy right?

My ex just got remarried. I have a 5 year old dd with him who he sees only a handful of times a year. He comes to visit his mom, who lives close to us (though we don't speak) and the week or 2 that he is in town, he sees my dd a couple times, no overnights and just for a few hours at a time. This happens 3 or 4 times a year. Now, is new wife (who has never even met my dd) has been telling some mutal friends that she will be an equal partner is raising MY child. When he went into the military, my ex had to sign something saying that he would never go for custody of our dd. I couldn't believe that she thinks that she is gonna have an equal say with me in MY dd's life. She also said she wants my dd to call her mommy sarah!!!!! I talked to my ex about this and he said that she wants this because due to a condition (though he didn't say what is was and I didn't ask) she cannot have children of her own. I told him that was too bad but she is not gonna play mommy with mine! He also said that he hasn't told her about the agreement he signed with the miltary so maybe once he does she will realize that she is only gonna be seeing my dd a couple times a year and she will back off.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I think that the last point you said is probably what will happen. I feel sorry for her, I think she's just craving a child. Obviously you need to make it abundantly clear that of course she is free to interact with your DD but she has only one mother. However as I said before I feel for her. Can they adopt?

    Answer by leah_rai at 7:33 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Yikes. She's definitely overstepping. Plenty of kids need adopting. Then again, she seems a little "off", so maybe it's best she's not going that route? IDK...

    Answer by Airamana at 7:33 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Honestly, I am beyond glad that I don't have to be in that situation. It's unfortunate that you do. The situation being the new wife thinking she is suddenly mommy to this (Apparently in her mind) poor orphaned child. Or something of that nature. I understand that her condition may make her yern to be a parent to a child, but it is beyond wrong of her to try and play that role with YOUR child. As if you were just a nanny caring for the child until poor helpless daddy found a new wife. Ugh, that would boil my blood. Hopefully your ex is right and she does back off. Either way you need to be upfront with her in a civil and kind manner. Letting her know that her role is not a a mother to your child. That you are plenty capable of handling all the responsibility. All the best to you!

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:34 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Well I can see why she is crazy, it would make me crazy being told I can never have children of my own. He's barley involved in his child's life, she's dreaming if she thinks she gets say in what you do or how you raise you child.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 7:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I think she is just stirring the pot with the mutual friends. I dont believe she really wants to be a mommy to your kid.
    She should get a dog and maybe adopt in a few years.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 7:36 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Yes, she's crazy... but then so are your 'friends'...

    You're thinking took you almost all the way to reality, but for some reason you stopped right in the middle of Drama Land instead...

    You are hearing things (second hand, which means they have been filtered through someone else's head, including changing the words and the tone to say what THEY think the original speaker said or meant, including the possibility that these mutual 'friends' might actually think stirring shit up is funny) that 1. you have no reason to believe are true (because you didn't actually hear them said, just reported), and 2. have no bearing of any kind on any part of your life, even if they are.

    Think about it: HOW is this nutcase going to do that? Come to your house and tell you what to do? Pick up your puppet strings and do all your voicework? Seriously?

    Let's get back to the realm of the possible: what is actually happening? Deal with that.

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:37 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • i wouldn't worry too much about her being a second-mommy..heck, her one and only daddy doesn't sound like he's interested..what makes you think this new wife will be much of a threat? you can't develop a relationship on very short visits, 3-4x/year.
    forget about her. could put yourself in her AND your daughter's shoes. your dd needs to know her daddy, as neglectful as he has been. the new wife needs to be a part of this life-afterall, she isn't going anywhere, and wouldn't you really rather have a SM for your DD that actually WANTS to be part of your little girl's life? i mean, come on, OP..she's willing and ready to do the job that your ex ISN'T! give it a go, and see how things work. its not gonna hurt anything, but your own dang pride.
    its never a bad thing to have more people loving and involved in your child's life. think about it.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:37 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • Well it will be hard for them to adopt because she is only 19. Most places both people have to be 30 or at least 25

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:43 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • dullscissors, I don't need someone playing mommy with my child and my dd has a father, my husband has been around since she was a baby. I feel bad that she can't have a child of her own but that doesn't mean she can have mine. As she has never met my dd, she doesn't love her, she just wants to play mommy

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:48 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • It would definatly piss me off that she said that, however, since he did sign that paperwork, then she doesn't have a leg to stand on. He gets visitation. And so far, there hasn't been any over-nighters. I'm betting he's sweating this coming to a head, and really dreading having to tell her that her 'dreams' of having an equal say in raising your DD just ain't gonna happen. But, he's gotta man up and do it soon. Maybe you should just call her and tell her yourself. He isn't going to get custody, and since he can't get custody, she gets no say in the raising of your daughter. None. Zilch. Nada. But, when you do call, tell her that you have heard through the grapevine that _______ has been said. Is this true? If she says yes, or anything like it, tell her it's not gonna happen, and why. If she starts getting pissy, tell her to take it up with her hubby, and hang up.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:49 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

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