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3 Bumps

How can some men be so incredibly delusional?

I've been friends with this woman since middle school, that's 14 years now, are kids are close friends - I know all her strengths and her flaws, I see the good and bad in her. There's this guy she has an affair with when she was with her ex-fiance, she ended up breaking his heart when she ended things to give her fiance and her another shot at making things work but less than a month later she was supposedly in love with yet another guy she began an affair with. A few months ago she started talking to the guy again (the one's who heart she broke), then a month ago out of no where her husband left her so she's in a very bad place - she's depressed and angry and all that comes with that kind of a shock and so she's been leaning on her friends. I've become good friends with this guy too and apparently he's redevoloped feelings for my friend and I just want to smack him because my friend is just using him - he buys her things, dotes on her and I'm pretty sure they're sleeping together. She has even told me that she's just going to end up breaking his heart again because she doesn't want an actual relationship with him; I can understand leaning on your friends and needing comfort in her time of pain because I went through a pretty nasty divorce a couple years ago but she knows she's just using him, she knows how he feels but she's still going to end up crushing his heart and that isn't enough of a reason for her to push him away and lean on her other friends instead. This guy has been told by several people that he's going to end up hurt in the end, that she is in no place to be starting anything with anyone but he won't listen to anyone. I don't want to see him hurt but I can't do or say anything to make him see that's what is going to happen.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Wow maybe he thinks this is his chance?

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:38 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • he will just have to open his eyes up and realize that he is being used and decide to leave her alone.

    Answer by kim0167 at 11:07 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • people of either gender and all sexual oreintations can be this selfish
    sounds like this woman does not have any self worth
    sounds like she could also have a scoiopath personally (someone who has no remorse for actions, no emapthy for others)
    somewhat common, like 10% of human population

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:36 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I hope he remembers what happened the last time. I feel sorry for him if he doesn't see it coming. She should tell him exactly how she feels and if she cares for him at all, she should try to spare his feelings before things get too far. It's pretty obvious that she's not ready to be in another relationship.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:10 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I'd leave it alone. He's a grown man and can make up his own mind. He knows already the risk he's taking and it must be worth it to him. I dated someone once that I knew things would end eventually because he wasn't a one woman guy. It was a nice 6 months full of fun memories and it hurt when it ended but I still feel fondly of that time. I gave my heart 100% but I had to to fully appeciate the experience.

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:27 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I've been pretty good about leaving it alone. I've distanced myself from both of them; fighting the urge to call him up and tell him how stupid he is because he's got his mind in a place that has no sense to it, all he knows is that he's falling for her all over again and he said he doesn't care if she doesn't feel the same but its like why the hell would you give up on other, healthy, relationships to try to be with someone who isn't ready for a relationship - he once said loyalty was the most important thing to him in a relationship...the only man my friend was ever faithful to was her husband, from highschool on every guy she dated she cheated on. I know he's also the jealous type and has no idea that my friend has been talking to three of her ex-boyfriends and intends to start a sexual relationship with at least one of them.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • On Christmas Eve she fooled around with a friend's brother - she told me but not him; I know the real reason she didn't tell him was because he'd get jealous and upset and realize she doesn't want him but her excuse to me was that she didn't want it getting back to her friend that she messed around with her brother because the brother has a girlfriend.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:59 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

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