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Spanking/Sanctified Abuse question.

I read an article the other day posted on here that mentioned the term "sanctified abuse." I read it to mean, church approved or church ignored abuse.

It bothered me. A lot. If you really feel you need an explanation as to why, PM me.

My question is, how do you believe that children should be disciplined, according to the confines of your church/religion/spiritual beliefs? How do you react if your child is defiant?

On what grounds do you base your child rearing theories?
This could go into any number of categories, I'm going with religious debate because I'm specifically looking for the religious background behind parenting styles. Do you spank? How/Why?

Answer Question
 
lovinangels

Asked by lovinangels at 11:52 PM on Jan. 10, 2011 in Religious Debate

Level 39 (112,638 Credits)
Answers (39)
  • Also- please don't read a "tone" here. Or a judgment, or anything like that.
    lovinangels

    Comment by lovinangels (original poster) at 11:54 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • My faith doesn't have really have any bearing on how I discipline my children. Knowing their personalities and what works for them determines how I discipline.

    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 11:58 PM on Jan. 10, 2011

  • I don't spank (don't judge those that do though), because I don't believe anyone should hit someone else. I don't want to teach right and wrong through punishment and fear. I use time outs (also trying to teach him to take breaks himself when he's frustrated--walk away, deep breaths, yoga, etc). He's only 2 1/2, but he's starting to get the idea. He usually does well with time outs, and he's already loves yoga. I also use distraction and removal of toys/privileges. I had one parent who spanked occasionally and another who never did, so part of my methods come from thinking my mom's methods worked better, taught me to think for myself about right and wrong, and led to less resentment. When I was Christian, I also rejected the idea of 'spare the rod, spoil the child' that I heard so often. That phrase is used out of cultural context since a sheep herder would use a staff or rod to GUIDE his sheep, not hit them.
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 12:38 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Oh, I forgot to mention that Buddhism generally promotes ideas of non-violence, so I agree with that. The decision of how to discipline is really my own though based on how I was raised--what seemed to work well and what didn't.
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 12:41 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I agree with Pam . Religion has nothing to do with it .
    janet116

    Answer by janet116 at 1:37 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I have run across a lot of people who hold up various passages in the bible (and a number of quotes from somewhere else completely they believe are in the bible) as justification for regular or punitive beatings. I've run across people who don't use obedience to any written text as a reason, and quite happily hit their kids.

    I think it's important to remember any of history in this subject: once upon a time, the same arguments were made (and upheld in law in many jurisdictions) for violence against women, slaves, employees, uncooperative neighbours ('uncooperative' being generally taken to mean 'won't do what the power base wants them to do') and animals.

    I suspect most people are quite happy that being allowed to beat a dog (or horse) to death because it isn't obedient has gone the way of all things, even the majority of people who believe in hitting children (for whatever reason they defend as 'necessary'.)
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:33 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I was going to mention the very thing that Pam said re: spare the rod spoil the child is just as a shepherd doesn't beat his sheep with the rod, he guides them....YES.. :-) I did spank my children at some points and even told them "this hurts me more than you" and it did. I felt awful about the way I had treated my children. Then I found there are so many ways to dicipline a child, hitting a child just wasn't the answer. Giving them tools like time outs, counting to ten, or deep breathing are excellant and teach great coping skills. A lot of poor behavior from small children comes from frustration. Teach them to cope.
    clsrn

    Answer by clsrn at 4:26 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • In parenting I try to emulate the love of God, a patient, calm, kind of love. Though I know I don't always live up to that ideal, it is one I do strive towards. :)
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 8:23 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I would have a very hard time following a religion that not allows spanking but says it's necessary to keep a child in check.
    Acid

    Answer by Acid at 9:14 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I had an old Menonite woman who was a friend tell me many years ago that you only spank a child for 3 reasons.
    the child is going to hurt themself
    the child is going to hurt another
    the child is just completely out of control or hysterical, like a severe temper tantrum
    I adopted the same philosophy along with some Tao teachings and have had a very good outcome with behavior in my house.
    Children need and crave discipline, not abuse. and Well behaved children are not scared children. Learn this and it really isn't that big of an issue with child rearing.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:48 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

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