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2 Bumps

WWYD My niece and Nephew are in the middle of unnessecary Divorce drama adult content

Back and forth the parents go I have tried to stay neutral even though obviously one of their parents are my sibling .
But every one can see they are playing stupid little games . The both want custody but IMO and others too it is not for the kids its to one up the other. They are both wanting a check that my neice gets for ssi ( she is has a severe and life shortning heart affliction) .

so I got a not on facebook saying that the custodial parent was keeping them from seeing or talking to the other parent .
Help me Antie please I miss my ( non-custodial parent)
I believe this is a parent on the childs profile and not the child at all , It is either my sibling trying to get me on thier side and to get involved or the other parent trying to see if I am really neutral and only on the kids side
This was not a message from my 10 year old neice I am sure of that .
I am pisssed about the game playing and though I detest CPS I am thinking of calling them . I might add that our Father tried to get us to tell lies about our mom like this to get out of C.S and our mom played games to so my sibling is not above this behavior . My ex inlaw always seemed decent to me but has also made accusations that were deemed to be unfounded as well
Do I confront them and tell them knock it off or I call cps or do I just call because its time to bring in someone for the kids?
Any other ideas ?
I gotta go to bed for tonight but hope to get some sense of direction , I would hate to see them go to foster care

Answer Question
 
chica1965

Asked by chica1965 at 1:44 AM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (801 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I am in the exact same boat. I called CPS on my brother's family in 2007 for different reasons, and now in 2010 they are divorced (for different reasons) and my brother is remarried (to a wonderful woman!) The life of the children is still very chaotic, and various people (not even me this time!) have contacted CPS. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I have no idea what goes on with CPS, but apparently it is incredibly difficult to get children moved from a very unsafe, unhealthy environment to foster care. From my experience, you will need a lot more evidence than reporting that those parents play the children like pawns, and even then, you might not get anywhere.

    Not to discourage you, just preparing you for what could happen. But, only report to CPS if the children are in danger. You could, however, find a way to talk to an adult involved in the children's lives, like a school counselor, or teacher. Good luck. Most importantly...
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 1:53 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Most importantly, just be a healthy person for your niece and nephew. That will count the most as they go through life, and they WILL need you when they are older.
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 1:54 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Getting caught in the middle is never the place to be. Let your niece and nephew know that you are there for them and that they can talk to you any time. If they need a break from Mom and/or Dad, to let you know. Maybe you can take them out for dinner. In regards to contacting CPS, are they being neglected or mistreated? Just because the parents are playing games with their lives (not cool at all), CPS will not usually get involved. However, the kids can talk with the judge handling the divorce and (s)he may be able to help them in the right direction. I can understand how they feel about being pulled in two different directions. It is never fun when the two people that you love and trust the most are causing the most pain. Again, just make sure they know that you are there for them no matter what, even if Mom is part of the problem.
    guyandtoni01

    Answer by guyandtoni01 at 1:57 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Just be there for the child. It could be worse in foster care. Perhaps the new wife will have some positive effect on the situation. Stay close.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:03 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I know you mean well, but this is not an issue for CPS. CPS is stretched bare as it is. There are thousands of children in this country that are not getting the help they so desperately need because CPS doesn't have the money or resources to help them. Please, please, please don't be a further drain on that by calling in a situation where they can not help. That small amount of time and/or money could actual make a difference to a child that is in serious danger.

    Okay, off my soapbox.

    What the children need is a guardian ad litum. GAL's are lawyer's that are trained to represent children in a bad divorce situation. They are trained to wade through the bull, and protect the child's right to have a relationship with both parents. Suggest to your sibling that she request the court order one(they'll split the cost). Most 'warring' couples think it's a great idea because they think the GAL will 'get' the other party.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 7:56 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Thanks ladied its just so hard I dont even thing the kids should have the face book pages to be honest both parents have access which is normally a good I dea but they use them to spy on each other and to pretend to be the kids.
    How do I get the kids to feel safe to be honest with me . I know they are lying about stuff because of parental manipulation ,
    Like my neice saying her mother hits her . I am not sure her dad isnt telling her to say that because he wants custody of them . When she tells me these stories her voice trails off and she looks at the floor and her storied are very vague . I want her to be honest if she is being abused but I think both Parents are doing the " if you love me you will be on my side thing" Each of the kids have told the judge and School councilors conflicting stories and been caught in lies. It infuriates me that they can't just be kids and love both parents
    chica1965

    Comment by chica1965 (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Well me and a Grandma have both told them that if the behavior does not stop we will jointly apply for emergency custody . We spoke to an attn via confrence call and he thought we had a chance . So I hope the two of them wise up fast
    Thanks ladies
    chica1965

    Comment by chica1965 (original poster) at 7:23 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

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