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Things that bleed over from childhood.

When my dad was young, he was poor. He always had shoes that were too tight, not enough to eat, and bikes that were way too big for him, if he was lucky enough to have one at all. So, as kids we had tons of shoes, expensive bikes, and my mom would fill two carts at the grocery store. All because he did not want us to live like he did. My Grandma also had it hard, and always bought us, and my kids coats and clothes because she didn't want us or her great grand kids to be teased at school.
My DH had it even worse. Never had school supplies, never had clean socks, never had the "in" toys. Had to sneak and steal out of others lunches as he had none of his own. Now, our kids have lots of toys, he loves buying school and office supplies and any new technology. Our kids have really nice bikes, a pool, a trampoline etc. All because he cannot bear the thought of his kids having it hard, or worse...being teased. Oh, and he doesn't like me to put our LO's in feety pj's as his were always too tight... Did your parents, do you or you DH do this? What do/did they/you over compensate for because of childhood experience?

Answer Question
 
salexander

Asked by salexander at 10:07 AM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I actually had a great child hood and I am raising my kids the same way I was raised. For my husband the biggest difference is that in his family they didn't talk to his dad's family because his mom felt that they didn't like her, so we do a lot with my family because he doesn't want the kids to miss out on knowing their grandparents and cousins.

    He missed out on so much because his dad has 4 brothers and my husband never got to know any of them or his cousins. It is really sad although now as an adult we are talking more and more with his fathers family and it is great!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:15 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • My mom was so cheap she could squeeze a dollar out of a nickle and she always told us having a birthday party was begging because she did not want to pay any money for it at all now when my kids need they get the very best of everything because my mom would give me used clothes from people who fity and older she did not care where they came from now i do.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:17 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I never went without physical things as a child, but my mom was always working or in school, or out with her friends. So, I made a conscious decision when I was still a child myself that when I had children I would stay home with them and be a mom who was there 100% of the time for them. My mom also wasnt one of those people who hugged or kissed or showed much outwardly. Now she says she envies me and my relationship with my kids because they are always hugging me and "climbing all over you like puppies". My grandmother lost her mom when she was in 3rd grade and as an immigrant she stopped going to school so she could support her brothers and sisters. She pushed education and hard work on us. We were to know if we wanted something we had to go out and get it and be educated. I push that on my kids now as well.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:20 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Dh had a pretty bad childhood and I can see how it affects him as a parent. 1 minute he showers them with gifts and the next he is always telling them to man up and so on (because his father was always telling him the same thing).

    What bled over from my childhood is different. My mom played favortism with my brother, sister and I. She never praised me for the good but was ready to rip my hair out of my head when I messed up.

    Now with my kids I try to make things as equal as possible and yes I praise the small accomplishments as well.

    4xsthetrouble

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 10:23 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • i hated wearing jeans with patches, so i will replace a pair of pants my ds wears out very quickly.
    my dh swears the reason he wastes papertowels (seriously, he can use 5-6 just making a bowl of oatmeal.) is because his family couldn't afford them when he was growing up.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:37 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I had a wonderful childhood, but both of my parents had it rough and wanted to make sure that I didn't. Because they both wanted to help as many kids as they could, they became foster parents when I was 8. It's a great program, but having all of those kids in and out of the house made me grow up faster than I would want for my kids (a lot of times kids will share things with another kid they don't want to share with an adult). I have seriously considered doing foster care, but not until my own kids are grown.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Yeah. My mom was tight with money, but I never really noticed it. I just thought that was how it was. What she was tight with that I noticed was her praise, and sometimes, her affection. (Still is at times.)

    It definitely bled over. I can say no when my kids want a new toy or a video game, but if they ask for a book, a hug or to show me their latest project, I try really hard to find the time and effort to pay attention and listen. And hug. And tell them I love them. At 12 and 11, my boys haven't started that distancing thing yet. They still will grab my hand, lay their head on my shoulder, hug me, etc, even in public.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 11:32 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

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