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My sister passed away in August 2010 in a tragic car accident, she was 7 months

pregnant and she has a six year old that stays with my mom where I have been staying with my two daughters and my question is will life ever get better? My sister and I had a bad argument earlier that day, and I feel like a peice of dirt and really don't know what to do except just go throw the motions..my sister and I was close, I mean we had arguments and would just disagree often but then we would always get over but that day that just didn't happen before her accident, and now I am being told that the EmT's couldn't save her and didnt even try to save the baby...the Dr. on call tried but it was too late I grieve everyday for her and my nephew...life is very different now...my daughters are 12 and 6 they all remember that day being very crazy some blame me others just don't I dont know the arugement was earlier that day and the accident was at about 8 pm that evening so plz help!

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Teresa496

Asked by Teresa496 at 10:41 AM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • honey it is not your fault. anyone that blames u is an asshole. Im so sorry you have to go through this
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 10:43 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Don't blame yourself number one, you did not cause it and I'm sure your sister would want you to know that a silly argument shouldn't affect the rest of your memories and make you blame yourself. I lost my DH and DD in 2010 and it's been rough but every day it gets a little better and it will with you too. It helps me to find other things to focus on and not to think about it constantly. I've started hundreds of projects. Scrapbooks, painting a room in the house at night when I can't sleep, trying to make my own sweets. I know never stopping is going to burn me out in the end but at the moment it's what I need and I think it's what most people need in the aftermath of an incident like you've been through.

    Best wishes with everything and I'm so sorry about your sister, I hope you find peace soon.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 10:45 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I am sure it had nothing to do with you, the accident. I said plenty through my lifetime and my father passed last April. I had many thoughtsI still cry periodically, but it is just time that will take away the feelings. Or at least make it to where you can think of the good things instead.
    I think of my Dad when he acted happy now. The last I saw of him, he was in a bed with cancer, skinny and sick. It took a while to get that image out of my head.
    My Dad and I buttted heads as I got older and when he said he loved me, I kind of knew something was up.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 10:46 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I am so sorry. There is no quick fix. You have to learn how to accept everything and you have to allow yourself to be happy again. It's a long hard road and it takes a lot of emotional strength - allow yourself to be weak sometimes though. Are you seeing a grief counselor? It could help you and your whole family. Break down your emotions, think about why you are feeling the feelings you are... if you can break down a step by step process to start feeling better - then start on that journey. If not try to start accepting them, file those emotions about the things you cannot change in a safe place in your heart. They will be there to shape the person you become but they don't have to take who you are away from you. Good luck, it will be okay - you need to allow yourself to cherish the people and the things you still have. There is a future.
    ashleyaction

    Answer by ashleyaction at 10:46 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • This is not easy for anyone to deal with.....you NEED grief counselling!!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:46 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Where I could see that you would want to blame yourself and you feel bad that your last words were in anger its not your fault anyone who says it is needs to be slapped upside the head. It is still very fresh and it will get better.
    Charis76

    Answer by Charis76 at 10:47 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • This is most definantly NOT your fault. When I lost my mother when I was 14 I had had just called her earlier that day and left a horrific message on her answering machine(I was very angry with her over something so stupid) I found out 3 hours later she had died and that's why she didn't answer the phone (I was at my aunts house). I blamed myself for years and years. I finally realized that message or how I was treating her had nothing to do with why she died. Its so tough to lose someone so close, but I will get better with time.
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 10:48 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • It is not not your fault we can say it again and again but momma until you deep in your heart believe it, it will do no good. You need to sit down with an empty chair and talk to it like its your sister tell her your sorry for the fight and how it did not get resolved. Tell her things you want to say or write the letter tell her what you need write it a couple of times and either burn them or place them close to her grave. I am so sorry for your loss but if you start to forgive yourself it will get easier. GL Momma (((HUGS)))
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:48 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I`m sorry that you are going through a tough time. You`ve probably heard this phrase alot "Don`t blame yourself." It`s hard not to. I recommend writing a letter to your sister and hanging on to it. Reread it whenever you need to. There will be a day when you will forgive yourself. I`ve got 2 sisters that I care about and we`ve had disagreements. But we always know we love each other. It sounds the same for you and yours. Take care.
    Autumn07

    Answer by Autumn07 at 10:49 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • You will begin to cherish the memories you have of her and it will become easier and you will have more laughter than tears when you talk about her. Don't blame yourself...there is nothing that could have changed what happened to her. *HUGS*
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 10:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

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