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10 Bumps

Better than me because she had an abortion?

I really hope that no one takes this post as an anti abortion post because it is not!!

I was 17 when I became pregnant and kept my baby. My sister was 15 and didn't. Sometimes I feel a strong resentment because my family will praise her and say things like:

"You didn't have kids and look at you! You have the freedom to design your life!" "Be selfish, now is the time! You're living the life!"

The truth is that I love my sister but she's 19 and finally finished high school through a home school because she kept messing up during school from partying too much. I'm proud of her for finally finishing HS but she lives off our mother, my mother babies her, she "couch surfs" so she can party and go out, and people like my aunt spoil her with money, clothes, tickets. She doesn't work and when she needs something, she has this sense of entitlement and asks even ME for help or things like shoes and make-up. All I ever hear from my family when I am struggling raising my child is that I messed up. BUT SHE DID TO! She is not less of an F up than me. We BOTH got pregnant at young ages and before we were "ready" and having an abortion doesn't change that. Having an abortion doesn't change how irresponsible she is but it's like she CAN be because she doesn't have kids and didn't....end up like me.

I still get treated like every financial crisis and every bad thing that happens to me is because I got pregnant as a teen. It makes me feel more alone than ever. It's making me resent my sister because now the picture is turning into something ugly. I don't want to feel this way.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (32)
  • I would probably resent her too. I'm sorry you're going through this with your family.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 11:24 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I am so sorry. Well, if it means anything to you, I am proud of you. You took the hard road and believe me, it has made the difference... especially to one little child.
    Jambo4

    Answer by Jambo4 at 11:25 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I would feel the same way if i were you. Hang in there and hold your head up high.
    You did what was best for you, you kept your baby :)
    L0vingMy3Girls

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 11:27 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I dont' think this is an anti-abortion post at all. I'm sorry that you're going through this b/c you dont deserve that treatment from your family. If anything I think YOU'RE the one that should be praised for your decision. In my opinion, having an abortion is the easy route b/c it's choosing to have no responsibility... as opposed to when you choose to have a baby, you're choosing the road that comes with more responsibility and financial stresses.The fact that you chose that route is awesome. You're taking care of your business and doing the best you can for you and your child. THAT deserves praises in my opinion. It's a hard situation b/c you can't disown your family and you're just kind of stuck with this treatment. Maybe you can try to distance youreslf from them a little until they come to their senses? Your sister needs to grow up... fast. Everytime you feel bad just give yourself a pat on the back and be proud instead
    Mamma2E

    Answer by Mamma2E at 11:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Oh (((HUGS))) I have respect for you for not taking the easy road when this stuff dries up and she has to start taking care of herself it will be you who has everything. Its hard but its a blessing because having learned from hard work will make you stronger and more able to do then her.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I think its natural to feel the way you do. and she probably does not feel good about herself either. i did not get pregnant as a teen but i was not married both times. and i been on both sides of the fence. she is probably trying to find what she lost. have you ever spoken with her about her feelings? i understand its very difficult when it comes from your family. but you should be proud. your decision was the right one for you and her decision was the right one for her. i think just stay strong and give her a hug ...she needs it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I would have to agree with you. I'm sorry there won't be any real resolution to your problem, but I hope that you can find a way to accept the differences and create happiness for yourself and your child regardless of your sister and family.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Sorry, but your family is being a bunch of a-holes (no offense) for making you feel this way. Have you tried discussing with them, telling them how they treat the two of you looks and makes you feel?

    If anything, you are MORE mature than your sister. You took on that responsibility, are raising a child, working and paying your own bills. You have learned a much more important life lesson than she has. She had the ability to learn it too through her own actions at 15, but it sounds like she didn't. She didn't have to grow up as quickly as you did, but someday she will. Your sister can learn a lot from you, not vice versa.

    It's not as if she's doing anything wrong, though. Being 19 with no responsibilities, sounds like she's acting perfectly normal for someone like that. But she is in no way better than you. Your family shouldn't be glorifying her for being a couch potato with no future plans.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 11:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I couldn't help but to be upset if I were you either. I would have to limit my contact with my family AFTER saying how disrespectful they are being to you!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:29 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • tnm786... lol @ "couch potato"....... (but that's exactly what she is though.)
    Mamma2E

    Answer by Mamma2E at 11:30 AM on Jan. 11, 2011

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